by Andrew Neufeld | Oct 6, 2017 | Chronic Illness
Last week my wife, Meg, wrote about her journey with her invisible illness and chronic pain, in her article titled My Life With Chronic Pain; the feedback has been phenomenal. We’ve heard from people close by, and as far away as New Zealand who appreciated her candor and vulnerability in sharing her struggles and what she has learned over the last 6 years since the car accident. So many people struggling with invisible illnesses feel isolated, alone in their journey, and feel as though they can’t share their struggles because it’s viewed as complaining, or because people simply do not understand.
This week, I want to share a bit of my story over the last 6 years, as a husband to a wife with chronic pain, and father to our two beautiful daughters who have also been a part of our journey. As little information as there is from those suffering from invisible illnesses, I come across even less information from those who are alongside those struggling with the illness, such as partners and family members. I hope that sharing my story can be helpful to those who are also wrestling with this complex, often heart-wrenching journey.
As I was driving into Vancouver this morning, I was trying to figure out how to start what I was about to write – how to sum up concisely the impact of the accident, and my wife’s struggle with her chronic pain. I’m also fairly guarded in sharing my emotional world publicly for many reasons, but I came up with a very succinct and specific conclusion: it broke my heart. Even as I sit here at the Railtown Café writing, it’s all I can do to hold back the tears.
You see, for better or for worse, I have always put Meg on a pedestal. If you’ve met me in person, you’ve likely heard me refer to her as my “far better half,” or comment on the fact that she is the “smart one.” This isn’t pithy banter on my part – it is truly the long-held belief about Meg that I have held, and still do. What I wasn’t prepared for, however, was the impact of seeing my brilliant, high functioning wife, laid out on the couch for weeks on end, unable to function in daily life, and struggling to figure out how many plates she needed to put on the table for dinner. I can’t begin to describe how seeing this changed my life, and changed my focus.
I immediately went into survival mode. I was working for the Fraser Health Authority at the time, and immediately started seeking out jobs closer to home as I was suddenly the only functioning adult in our house, with two children under the age of 4. I was Dad, Mom, housekeeper, breadwinner, and more. Now, I have to say that we have been so fortunate to have an unbelievably supportive family and friends who have given us an amazing amount of support for which I am extremely grateful. I honestly have no idea how we would have survived without them.
Even with all of this help, and even as we started seeing improvements, I was and quite frankly, still am heartbroken. When I’m working with kids, parents, and families I often explain that one of the hardest things in the world as a parent is to see your child in pain; I’m not sure, however, which is worse: seeing your child in pain or your spouse. At this point, I was seeing both and it was overwhelming.
If we fast forward to present, things have gotten significantly better and while Meg can never return to her career, she is forging a new career using art and helping people recover. Although it’s still difficult, it’s amazing to see the changes and to be able to see the proverbial, “light at the end of the tunnel.” What I’ve discovered though is that I’ve been stuck in “emergency mode,” since 2011, and as a part of this, haven’t processed a lot of the emotions involved and the personal trauma involved in the experience.
Part of my struggle and what I’ve been working through is how to move from heartbreak to acceptance (and Meg will find this hilarious because acceptance is a regular topic of conversation between us, mainly my encouragement to her to find acceptance in her new life and role). I’ll admit, I do not want to accept that my wife has chronic pain, and that the wife I knew prior to 2011 is never coming back. I don’t want to accept that our lives have changed irrevocably through no fault of our own, but because of a car accident. I don’t want to accept that my children have had to endure two parents in emergency mode for 6 years and have had their own challenges in response. I don’t want to accept – well, a lot of things. But as I preach to my clients almost on a daily basis, I have to choose to accept because the alternative isn’t helpful. I can’t change the situation, and fighting it isn’t going to bring positive results.
As I’ve wrestled with this for the past 6 years, I’ve learned a few things that have been, and continue to be helpful to me in managing our family life and my own emotional world. I haven’t mastered any of them yet, but hopefully they’ll be helpful to those of you sharing the struggle as a partner of someone with an invisible illness and/or chronic pain.
- Talk to your partner with the chronic pain about the impact it has on you
For many years I struggled to share with Meg how her journey impacted me. To be honest, it’s something I still have a difficult time with. When faced with a partner who is in constant pain, it’s hard to justify your own sometimes. I’ve had times where I told myself, “Your pain isn’t important; look at how much pain she is in,” or, “If you tell her how you’re feeling it’s going to make things worse for her,” and many other variations on this theme. What we’ve discovered in discussing this point is that she has had many of the same things running through her mind and we didn’t realize it. Being able to talk about our fears in disclosing to each other has opened the door to a much more honest and helpful dialogue.
If you won’t let yourself go there, please hear this from me – your pain is just as important and your ability to connect with your partner and be supportive depends on being vulnerable.
- Feeling helpless is normal and part of the process
Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am a fixer. I look for problems and try to find solutions – I probably would have made a good engineer that way if it wasn’t for the math. I have had to wrestle with my own helplessness over the past 6 years and sit with my own fears and anxieties about the future in ways I’d never experienced before. As a husband, I want to save my wife from experiencing pain but I can’t. I’ve had to accept this, even though I don’t like it. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that I can’t fix her body, I can’t fix her brain, and I can’t save her from the pain. But, I can be there consistently, unwavering in my love for her, even if I can’t make it all ok.
- Empathy is more important than fixing things
We sometimes struggle to differentiate between sympathy and empathy. Brené Brown has a great video on empathy, and I encourage you to watch it here. In short, empathy is the best thing that we can offer a partner who is in pain. It’s being able to say, “I don’t even know what to say or do right now to help you, but I’m here.” It’s realizing that even though we can’t truly understand what our partner is going through, we don’t have to. If we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable with them, we can connect with their experience of the pain, not try to fix it, but be there. Being with someone on a deeper level is far more important than any fix we can offer. It cuts down on loneliness, isolation, disconnection, and thus, reduces anxiety, depression, and actually, it reduces physical pain. So, it’s true – we can actually help our partner’s pain by showing them empathy, being with them where they are at, and accepting the situation we find ourselves in and wrestling through it together.
- Have fun together
There’s a saying that we all know – laughter is the best medicine. I’m not sure if it’s the best medicine, but it sure does help. Physical and emotional pain often shifts our focus off of living life and from the patterns and ways of relating to each other that have made the relationship successful. Meg and I have always had a healthy dose of humour in our relationship – mostly laughing at idiosyncrasies in life, mistakes we’ve made, or situations we find ourselves in.
One thing that chronic pain does is make it difficult to find humour in the current situation. Who laughs about pain, right? Well, we should. It took some time, but now Meg and I can laugh about some of the things we experience in life due to the chronic condition. Whether it’s laughing when a plate drops because of ulnar neuropathy, or laughing when I ask her to do something that is very obviously not possible for her and she just stares at me with that look that says, “What part of that looks like something I’m able to do,” or laughing about things that have nothing to do with our situation but make us laugh and relieve some stress, the humour allows us to lose sight of the pain for a while and get back to “normal life,” again.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help
I have had to lean on more people in the past 6 years than ever before in my life. Asking for help is not something I’m particularly good at. My family, my friends, and my professional colleagues have all stepped in to help in so many ways and I can’t thank them enough. I’ve also had to do some counselling, and continue to do so because there are aspects of my life and my wrestling that I need someone to walk through it with. My counsellor has shown empathy, skill, and also challenged me when I need to be challenged. Whether you’ve sought counselling before or not, I can’t emphasize enough how important it has been to my journey.
- Adjust your expectations, and redefine “normal life”
As much as I’ve tried to take a positive spin in this piece, there is no escaping the fact that chronic pain and illness brings an incredible sense of loss with it. There’s no escaping the fact that the life we had prior to 2011 is, to the best of our knowledge, never coming back. I have mourned this fact for years, and to be honest, I’m still in that process. What I’ve come to, however, is that in accepting the situation I’m able to redefine our new normal and my expectations. What does this mean for me, and us a family?
It means that I’m the only one unloading dishes from the dishwasher and I do most of the loading because bending over is too hard for Meg most days. The upside is that I can load it however I want and make it efficient, which gives me joy.
It means that many nights, Meg isn’t able to put the kids to bed because she is lying on the couch downstairs and making it up the stairs isn’t in the cards that night. The upside is I get 1:1 time with my daughters, which is time that I cherish and probably wouldn’t have had otherwise.
It means that most nights, we find ourselves on the couch in front of the TV watching some silly TV show because we’re too tired and brain dead to do much else. The upside is, we get to sit in close proximity to each other, and laugh at the shows we are watching, and sometimes when we both have the energy, the TV doesn’t go on and we sit and talk for hours like we used to and connect on a deeper level. This doesn’t happen as often as either of us would like, but when it does happen, it breathes life back into us and into our relationship.
It means that having gone through the past 6 years, I am convinced that I am incredibly fortunate. I have two beautiful children who I adore, and who love Meg and I unconditionally. I have a wife who, despite all my shortfalls and mistakes I’ve made both before, and since the accident, chooses to love me for who I am and all my limitations. I have been forced to spend more time with my family and around the house because I’m needed there to pick up some of the slack – time that I may not have otherwise taken if Meg was functioning at 100%.
Last but not least, the accident was a major motivating factor to launching Alongside You, where I get to see peoples’ lives change on a daily basis. And because of our experience through the accident we can say that we understand the pain of many of our clients because we also live it on a daily basis. While I won’t speak for Meg, although I’m sure she’d agree, Alongside You has provided meaning for my pain. While I still don’t like the situation and the pain Meg is in, there is an emerging sense of purpose. I know that our experience has allowed me to help others through their own journeys in an authentic way that I would not have otherwise been able to.
At the risk of being repetitive, I want to repeat the quote from my daughter Ava because she has been a great source of wisdom for me in our journey, and I honestly can’t put it any better than she did.
Just because you have a hard life, it doesn’t mean you have to have a bad life. With challenges or disabilities, you can still have a great life. – Ava Neufeld, age 9
As hard as it has been, I am grateful for our life. I am grateful for the support we have received, and for the personal growth I’ve gone through as a result of the accident and the journey through chronic pain. I’m also grateful for the chance to make some meaning out of our experience through our work at Alongside You. Meaning is so important in our lives, and in processing our pain.
Thank you for reading this, and thank you for allowing us into your lives as Alongside You.
by Meg Neufeld | Sep 28, 2017 | Chronic Illness
Just because you have a hard life, it doesn’t mean you have to have a bad life.
With challenges or disabilities, you can still have a great life.
– Ava Neufeld, age 9
When my husband Andrew and I began to conceptualize Alongside You, we wanted to serve the needs of our communities in different ways. While it was our goal to build an interdisciplinary clinic, we sought to create a place where I could use some of my skills as an artist and anthropologist to design an environment where I could work at my own pace. You see, 6 years ago, a car accident on a raining day left me with daily chronic pain.
It’s not something I like to bring up, but because it affects my daily life, I am learning to talk about it more as well as raise awareness of invisible chronic conditions. Just like mental health issues, chronic pain is an invisible illness. I don’t have any visible scars, a cast, a cane, or even a service dog to alert others about my condition. In the last six years, I have struggled with constant and never ceasing pain. Every. Single. Day. For me and so many others with chronic illness and pain, persistent pain makes normal activities excruciatingly difficult. For some, every movement or breath takes effort and every day choices are made based on a delicate balance between periods of rest and activity. Every day begins with the struggle to keep up with those around us.
At the Beginning:
The past 6 years have been a blur. At first, migraines where so intense that they would last 24-36 hours every few days. While life continued beyond my bedroom door, I spent my time with ice packed all over my head, heat on my back, with earplugs in and eye patches on, to rid me of all things sensory. Balance issues, cognitive impairment and physical mobility were so strained that I was in bed for months and months on end, rising only for short periods of time. Impaired cognitive functions such as critical thinking, organizing, memory, emotion regulation, and reasoning made simple tasks such as making lunches or setting the table, impossible. When I was not in bed, I focused on rehabilitation that consisted of physiotherapy, acupuncture, massage, trigger point injections, Botox treatments, and inner ear and concussion testing. I was prescribed neurological medication to treat acute neck, head, and ulnar nerve pain, but each had their own side-effects. After a year of being unable to drive and relying on our friends and family to take care of our children, we came to the realization that things were not going to drastically improve, so we hired a nanny who took over all the childcare while I rested and went to rehab.
It was a couple of years before I felt strong enough to manage the kids on my own. Having been and “absent parent,” for the last few years, taking back the reins of parenthood presented challenges of its own. My children no longer saw me as an authority figure and sought comfort from others. As I got a bit stronger and with a series of medication changes, new and ongoing surgical procedures (nerve blockers, trigger point injections, medial branch cauterizations and Botox injections) I have slowly been able to reclaim my role. I would be in a very different place today if it weren’t for the help of supportive family, friends and rehab therapists and counsellors.
Matters of the Heart
Though my body is adjusting to this new state of pain, my spirit is still trying to digest a complex set of emotions as a result of the motor vehicle accident. Feelings of stress, anger, isolation, disappointment, anxiety, depression, and hopelessness go hand in hand in the journey of someone who lives with chronic pain. There’s anger over lost time with family; grief over the career you once had; frustration with daily physical pain and low energy that prevents the beginning of new ventures; disappointment with not being able to be consistent with family, work and friends; guilt over the burden you place on others with no hope of returning the favour, and so much more.
What keeps me going? My faith. It has sustained me and has played a huge role in my day to day functioning. It has provided me with guidance and has uplifted me in the ways I needed the most. I have also been regaining my sense of self by journaling daily. Reading back over previous entries reminds me of where just how far I’ve actually come. My abilities as a wife, a mother, daughter, twin, and friend have forever been altered. My job not only consists of taking care of my children and home and building Alongside You, it now includes spending time trying to prevent headaches and acute back pain by diligently trying to balance daily rest and activity. This includes a careful regime of exercise, daily rotation of heat and ice, visits to rehabilitation therapists, and has even led us to renovate areas of our house to make them more ergonomically sound. Chronic pain follows me wherever I go and dictates the extent of our plans, where we go, and what we do.
What I’m Learning About Living with Chronic Pain
- The importance of approaching everyone with empathy
I have learned that because chronic pain is an invisible illness, others around me may be going through physical or mental health issues that are not immediately apparent. Would I turn back the clock to before my accident? Yes…and no. Of course, I would have liked being spared the pain and suffering caused by our accident, but it is because of it that I have learned so much about the human spirit and how to have more empathy for those with visible and invisible pain and have sensitivity when planning activities that are accessible to all.
“Be Kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. –Toby Mack
This has literally changed how I interact with everyone I encounter.
- Try to make peace with your situation
This is the hardest thing I’ve had to learn. With chronic pain, there is no end in sight. You yearn for what you once were able to do and you grieve the things you have not yet done. With good and bad days, your pain is out of your control and there is no real light at the end of the tunnel. This can easily lead you to feel depressed and hopeless. What you can do, however, is to make quality choices. You can make a choice every day of whether or not you are going to let the pain take over or to do something constructive with your time and effort. You can make choices (however small) of the things that give you joy or help you cope with your pain. We will all choose things that are different – for some it could be a pedicure to avoid bending down, for others it may be a soak in the tub, coffee with a friend, or a skill you want to learn. It’s all about managing your symptoms and creating a better quality of life for yourself. It’s about having a life worth living.
“You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you.” – Josh Shipp
- The need to educate others
Because chronic pain is invisible, it is sometimes difficult for others to understand what your life is like. Your husband, children, family and friends may have expectations of you that do not align with your abilities. It can be hard to let them know of the kinds of activities you are able to do or not to do, how long you can be active, and when you need to rest. Without people being able to gauge your abilities and tolerances, those around you may have unreasonable expectations of you. Those of us with unseen disabilities such as chronic pain, cancer, endometriosis, fibromyalgia, diabetes and more, know how much effort it takes to walk down the hall or the huge strain it is to complete simple tasks. Share your story with family, friends, and professionals. Describe your struggles. Your willingness to speak about your weakness can make yourself and others stronger. Adjust expectations. Remind your loved ones that some days you may be able to do a certain task, but the next day, you won’t. It may take some time for others to learn about your specific abilities and needs. Be gracious. Look up. Religious teachings or connection to your spiritual side can help us to reflect on our purpose, explore our spiritual existence, and meet like-minded folks who have the potential to be a group of caring people to add your support network.
“Behind every chronic illness is just a person trying to find their way in the world. We want to find love and be loved and be happy just like you. We want to be successful and do something that matters. We’re just dealing with unwanted limitations in our hero’s journey.” – Glenn Schweitzer
- Knowing it’s okay to ask for help
Let’s face it, it’s hard to ask for help, especially if you need help frequently. For so many of us, asking for help indicates defeat, stresses helplessness and highlights our deficiencies. Sometimes, people don’t know how to help those with chronic pain. Reaching out to family, friends, and professionals, however, can change your quality of life in a positive way! Do regular check-ins with your doctor or rehabilitation practitioners who can help you at different stages of managing your pain. They are there to help you find strategies and ways to cope. This will not only help you track your progress, it’s a great way to network with other local people and services that can help you in your journey. Stressing about things we can’t control does not help the healing process but hinders it (physically and psychologically). Make choices by asking yourself, “If I do this activity, is it going to add to me in a positive way or can I have someone else do it?” Handing over control may make you feel vulnerable, but get to know your limits so that you can participate in other things.
“At any given moment, you have the power to say this is not how my story is going to end.” – Unknown
- To live in the moment and celebrate small victories
“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher
Mindfulness, or having a heightened sense of awareness to the present moment, can be a tool to use with the management of chronic conditions. Practicing mindfulness has been proven to help decrease stress and anxiety[1], aid in pain management[2], increase quality of life in cancer[3] and Alzheimer patients[4] and ease symptoms among those suffering from persistent mental illness.[5] As we refocus our brain to be aware of the sounds, textures, smells, and what we see, we are actually giving our brain time to rest from being focused on pain. When we become more aware of our surroundings we tend to notice details and take pleasure in them. Something as simple as watching leaves fall, the wind blow, kids playing at the park, the crunch of fall leaves underneath you, can help you put your pain on the back burner for a period of time. Even that short amount of time can be restorative. As you relish in these daily experiences and are more mindful of how your body feels, there is an opportunity to take little steps forward. Take note of these small victories. These are little gold nuggets, ones you can look back on and remember them as stepping stones. It could be that you have been able to accomplish tasks that you haven’t been able to do in a long time: ride your bike, follows recipes, taking a new class, walk to the end of your block. Each of those little triumphs are golden nugget moments. Take time to breath, moment by moment, hour by hour, day by day. When you just can’t keep up, remember your small victories…they can reap huge benefits!
“The reason why people give up so fast is because they tend to look at how far they still have to go, instead of how far they have gotten.” – Unknown
I rolled my eyes at Andrew and others who suggested mindfulness to me because it’s not something that I knew about before, but it is something that has radically changed my wellbeing and I encourage you to try it. I did training in Mindfulness Based Art Therapy (MBAT) techniques as a way to use art in my own journey and now I use it with people in our art studio where I am the creative arts facilitator. I would love to have you at our Open Studio Sessions on Mondays or Wednesdays if you’re interested. Art is a great way of being mindful, and the research shows how effective it can be in our recovery. As an art facilitator, I hope to bring people together so that they can make meaningful connections with others.
Thank you for witnessing a part of my journey in reading this post and I hope it has been helpful for you in your own journey. Join us next week when we will share more posts about chronic illness.
If I, or anyone at Alongside You can be of any help please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
[1] Jon Kabat-Zinn. http://www.mindfulnesscds.com
[2] Kabat-Zinn, J., Lipworth, L. & Burney, R. J The clinical use of mindfulness meditation for the self-regulation of chronic pain. Behav Med (1985) 8: 163.
[3] Monti, Daniel W., Caroline Peterson, et al. A Randomized, Controlled Trial of Mindfulness-based Art Therapy (MBAT) for Women with Cancer.
[4] Quintana Hernández DJ et all. The affects of a neuropsychology program based on mindfulness on Alzheimer’s disease: randomized double-blind clinical study. Revista Espanola de Geriatria y Gerontologia [2014, 49(4):165-172]
[5] Herring, Daniel. Mindfulness-Based Expressive Therapy for People with Severe and Persisitent Mental Ilness. P.172. In In Mindfulness and the Arts Therapies: Theory and Practice. Laury Rappaport ed. Jessica Kingsley Publishers. 2014: 168-179.
by Andrew Neufeld | Sep 8, 2017 | Counselling
The interns are back! We had such great success with our first intern, now staff member Kelly Williams, that we’ve doubled down and now have two interns with us starting now, until August 2018! Chantelle Phillips joins us from Adler School of Professional Psychology, Kelly Williams’ old stomping grounds, and John Bablitz joins us from ACTS at Trinity Western University, my own alma mater. We’re excited to have them on board!
Having interns is a great thing in so many ways. First and foremost, it allows us to get involved in training the next generation of therapists, providing them with opportunities to learn from some of the best in the field, get opportunities to be involved in the community and other organizations, and to instill the values we believe are crucial to success as a therapist, and to care for clients in the way we do here at Alongside You.
Second, it allows us to offer another way for individuals, couples, and families to receive counselling at an affordable rate, even below what we can offer on a sliding scale basis. It really is a pretty good deal – you get an intern, and you get me along with it as the supervisor, in addition to the expertise of all of our counselling staff who also spend time with the interns. For $40/hour, you really can’t go wrong.
Third, this year I’m very excited because we’ve been able to expand our services to offer counselling to individuals with developmental disabilities. As someone who has worked with individuals with developmental disabilities for years, this is exciting for me because it lowers the barriers to services for these folks in our community. Both of our interns will be available for this, and Chantelle has quite a bit of experience with individuals with developmental disabilities and is excited to see them in the counselling room!
I sat down with our interns over dinner a few weeks back and thought I’d ask them some questions to help you get to know them a bit better. Without further ado, here’s what they had to say!
Meet Our Counselling Interns
Chantelle Phillips
How did you decide to pursue a career in the counselling field?
I think I always wanted to go into psychology and counselling, but it took me a while to figure out I could do something I wanted to do, not just what I could do. I’ve always connected well with people and been the one that listened to others and it interested me. Our family has had some experiences with mental health and addictions and so it’s something I’ve felt drawn to.
What excites you the most about doing an internship with Alongside You?
Learning how to operate the coffee maker to save Meg from doing it. On a more serious note, I’m very interested in collaboration, and the multidisciplinary team environment and I love the approach. I love the atmosphere of connection and the team environment at Alongside You and want to learn from it.
What is something unique about you that a client might want to know?
I think I’m super funny and nobody else does. I think my fallback career should be as a stand-up comedian but I’ve yet to find someone to corroborate that. I am a fan of the awkward moment and people who say what they mean.
Who is someone you’ve looked up to in your life and has influenced how you live and work?
My immediate family is very close, but my sister, I call her “my person” – she’s the yin to my yang, we’re super close. She’s the one who gives me strength to try new things and get out of my comfort zone.
What are you like outside of work/school? Interests, hobbies, etc.
Sports are my life – I played four competitive sports. I’m super competitive and love playing team sports, being in nature, outdoors, and I love animals. I’d lay in a pen of puppies for hours.
John Bablitz
How did you decide to pursue a career in the counselling field?
I decided to pursue a career in counselling because I’ve always been interested in psychology and how people work and do the things they do, but when my sister went into the field it really had a positive impact on our family. Being with people makes me feel alive. I feel that there is something really important to this, and the more interested I became, the more I wanted to do it.
What excites you the most about doing an internship with Alongside You?
I remember talking to Andrew and Meg and listening to the scope of what is covered and what Alongside You is excited about and the opportunities are exciting. Learning about the business side, finding needs, learning to communicate in various forms and reach people in a labour of love because it’s what should be done. I like how Andrew and Meg and Alongside You take care of people.
What is something unique about you that a client might want to know?
I’m very emotionally responsive and find I connect very quickly with others’ emotions. I’m really fascinated with Germany and German culture and minored in German in university. I worked in Disney World in the Canadian Pavillion in Epcot Centre.
Who is someone you’ve looked up to in your life and has influenced how you live and work?
My grandfather because he had a really child-like spirit that I think I adopted and a sense of wonder for all sorts of little things and people. I think that’s something I still hold with me very dear.
What are you like outside of work/school? Interests, hobbies, etc.
I like sports a lot. I’ve had to take it easier lately, so I’ve picked up slow pitch lately, and I really enjoy team sports and getting to be around others. I love learning and growing with others, particularly within organized sports.
Now What?
I hope you’ve enjoyed getting to know the interns a little bit – they’re excited to be here! If you’re looking for some counselling, they’d love to meet you. To book an appointment, please give me a call at the office at 604-283-7827 ext. 701 and we can see about arranging an appointment for you.
by Andrew Neufeld | Sep 5, 2017 | Announcements
While most of us were off relaxing this weekend, Alongside You turned two. To say that the time has gone fast would be a massive understatement. I still remember sitting on the couch with Meg when we had made the decision for me to leave my permanent job in the health authorities and for us to open an integrated health clinic. I’m pretty sure the looks on both of our faces would have read something along the lines of, “Are we really doing this?”
See, for many different reasons, this was probably not the smartest move. I had a permanent position in the health authorities that paid well, gave us health benefits, paid time off, and flexibility for me to do some private work, and take time off when I needed to help out at home after the accident. Meg was still in no shape to do any work of consequence, but she had a feeling she may be able to do something as long as it was based around her rehab schedule and how she was doing that day. You see, we had a dream; a dream that we knew had a real possibility of changing lives, including our own. We had a dream to build a team of people who not only were excellent in their field, but shared our vision: to make integrated health care, that cared for the whole person, accessible to anyone regardless of income. This was a big ask of ourselves, and of our staff because we knew that this would require sacrifices from all of us to make the dream happen.
It is with great joy, and gratitude that Meg and I would like to share a few details of what has happened in two years at Alongside You.
600+ new clients receiving services
4400+ hours of services provided
1000s of hours of volunteer work in the community
Over $125,000 in subsidized services provided
Nobody turned away due to lack of funds
Anyone who has met Meg or I know that we wear our hearts on our sleeves. We’ve both been overwhelmed by emotions over the past two years when we’ve been able to observe what has been happening and the lives that have changed through our little clinic.
As a part of celebrating our two-year anniversary, we thought it might be good to share some of what’s happened and what we’ve been a part of in the community for the past two years, and a little bit of what’s coming up in the next year!
Some highlights of the past 2 years at Alongside You
- Starting with one counsellor, and building to a staff of 10+ and holistic services to meet the needs of clients including Occupational Therapy, Registered Dietitian services, Neurofeedback, Therapeutic Yoga, Pelvic Rehabilitation, Therapeutic Arts, and more!
- Building a Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) program that provides help to some of the most at-risk clients across the Greater Vancouver area and Fraser Valley and has greatly reduced hospitalizations and has had no clients take their lives while in our care.
- Providing therapeutic art services for at risk youth, South Delta Home Learners, rec therapy clients from Fraser Health, and more.
- Facilitating community art projects with local businesses and groups.
- Writing a monthly column in the Delta Optimist about integrating art with daily life.
- Starting up a Friday Night Knitting club based on a request from the community, and using it as a platform to support the Step Forward Program.
- Volunteering our time with the Child and Youth Mental Health and Substance Use Local Action Team and providing consulting work by going into schools and youth groups to find out what is, and isn’t working for youth and finding ways to fill gaps in services
- Successfully recruiting one family doctor, and together with the Delta Division of Family Practice, placing him in a local medical clinic
- Building an internship program working with local universities to provide clinical supervision and training for Masters students, which further reduce barriers to accessing counselling for the local community
- Started the Step Forward Program that provides further subsidy for services for those who need some extra financial help
- We were honoured to be the recipients of the Rising Star of the Year award from the Delta Chamber of Commerce, awarded to the best new business for 2016.
I could go on, but we have to stop somewhere. As exciting as it is to review some of what’s happened in the past 2 years, I’m even more excited about what’s coming up!
What we’re doing now, and into the future
More services for kids!
We are expanding our services to kids, including counselling and groups. Starting this month, we will offer Taming The Worry Dragons, a great program offered at BC Children’s Hospital, but lacking in our local community. It’s a great program for anxious kids to learn skills to manage their anxieties.
Next, we’ll be offering the CHI Kids program from Michelle Kambolis, which builds on the CBT approach and integrates art, creativity, and yoga. This will launch in late fall or early 2018.
Rolling out a Substance Use and Addictions Program
Starting this fall, we are developing and rolling out a full addictions program. We will start with a men’s group twice per month, and build to a full after-care program that is integrated with inpatient treatment centres to make sure that clients coming home from treatment have somewhere to follow up and continue their work. We will be working with other local businesses to integrate the full spectrum of services needed!
Expanding our Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) Program
Starting this month, we have doubled our DBT groups. We will continue the Saturday group that meets from 10am-12pm, and be adding another group on Thursday evenings from 6:00pm-8:00pm.
We are also starting a DBT group for Youth – we’re not quite finished building out this program but look for an announcement toward the end of September!
We are also expanding the availability of our 1:1 DBT services, and Share Forde will be adding 1:1 hours on Wednesday mornings.
LGBTQ support groups
We are working on starting up support groups for LGBTQ youth, and for their families. We are in the development stage and hope to launch these this fall, or early 2018.
Services for Chronic Pain and Chronic Conditions
While we already provide individualized support for people struggling with chronic conditions, we’re expanding our services to create a variety of options for our local community. We’ll start with a chronic pain support group using Mindfulness Based Art activities, starting in January 2018. Stay tuned for details!
South Surrey Office – January 2018
We’re in preparations to open a South Surrey office in January 2018. It will start small, with counselling, neurofeedback, registered dietitian services, dialectical behaviour therapy for individuals and groups, and consulting services and growing from there. Stay tuned, details will be announced this Fall!
Expanding The Step Forward Program
The Step Forward Program has been a great success, and we’re looking to expand it further and make it more sustainable. We’re developing a sponsorship program where individuals and businesses can join with us to provide funding for services, and receive benefits as well for participation. Look for more details this fall.
Final Words
As you can see, we’re pretty excited and we could go on, but we need to stop somewhere! We would be remiss if we didn’t say a few thankyou’s to those who have made all of this possible along the way. We can’t thank everyone here, but know that if you’ve been a part of it, we are very grateful. We are grateful to the community of South Delta who have embraced us, and used our services. We are grateful to our unbelievable staff who have joined our vision, and enabled us to say yes to people when they’ve needed help and couldn’t afford it. We are grateful to donors who have come alongside us, and given us money to provide services to clients even though they get no tax break – they simply wanted people to get help.
Finally, we want to thank our family and friends. It takes a great deal of support to pull something like this off and whether it’s been helping with renovations, taking care of our kids, or just checking to see how we’re doing, we truly appreciate it.
Meg and I both feel very honoured to have been a part of the South Delta community since 2006, and now for two years as a part of Alongside You. With your support, we look forward to many more years serving our hometown and beyond.
Alongside You is an award-winning, integrated health agency in the heart of Ladner, BC, and they serve a wide range of clientele in Ladner, Delta, Vancouver, Richmond, Surrey, Langley and surrounding areas. They provide accessible health care to anyone in their communities, because people matter.
If you would like more information about what Alongside You is doing in the community, please contact Andrew Neufeld at 604.283.7827 ext. 701, Meg Neufeld at ext. 703, or email them at info@alongsideyou.ca.
by Andrew Neufeld | Aug 8, 2017 | Case Studies
In my work with clients, I regularly emphasize the importance of rest, relaxation, and time for oneself to regroup and recharge. I was recently introduced to an article in the Harvard Business Review on the topic of resilience, and the idea that resilience is about how we recharge as human, not how we build ourselves up to endure constantly. It’s a great article, and I encourage you to take a few minutes to read it, it’s well worth the time. The article got me thinking, however, about my own habits and now that I’m on vacation while writing this, I’m forced to reflect on how I rest. I’ve come to a significant conclusion: I suck at it.
Now, before you think about consoling me and telling me, “it’s okay, you don’t suck at it,” let me emphasize to you that no, it’s really true. I suck at resting. I have about a 2 minute limit on not doing something. I’m not sure if this has always been this way, or if I’ve somehow trained myself to be excellent at going all the time, but it is what it is. Whether you buy into the Type-A personality thing or not, many of the characteristics are good descriptions of me, including driven, competitive, ambitious, sensitive, impatient, anxious, and the list goes on. Perhaps, even more, challenging for me is the fact that I’m so results-oriented; that is, if something doesn’t produce results, I’m not interested in it. Admittedly, this is one of my hang-ups with rest – how does it produce results? It certainly doesn’t feel like it at first glance. My natural instinct is to tell myself to get up and do something. What I’ve discovered, however, is that I could not be more wrong about rest. Rest produces results, but it’s also hard work for people like me.
You might be wondering how my emphasizing rest jives with me writing this article while I’m supposed to be on vacation. Well, let me tell you a couple of things I’ve been thinking about and learning as a part of my preparation for and enjoyment of my current hiatus. If you’re at all like me, I hope they help you prepare for rest and resilience.
Rest takes preparation and sometimes ruthless decisions
You know how you sometimes get those auto-responders that say something like, “Thanks for the email. I’m on vacation and won’t be able to respond until I return,” and then you get a response shortly after sending the email? Yup, that was me. I’d set the autoresponder and then monitor my email anyways. Made sense to me at the time, and certainly abated my anxieties about leaving, but it didn’t help much with the rest aspect of being away.
I’ve learned that I am not someone who can read emails and not do anything about them, and not think about them. It’s all or nothing for me. So, for this vacation, I actually reconfigured my email so that all of my work email didn’t get forwarded to one place, but had its’ own separate account that I can turn on and off. You guessed it – it’s off right now. This was a very difficult decision for me to make because it produces a lot of anxiety, but this is part of the hard work of rest – I now have to manage that anxiety – that’s my job.
Rest sometimes requires help from others
One of the complaints I hear from clients when I emphasize the need for disconnection from work in order to rest is that they can’t afford to be gone that long, or leave communications unanswered. You know what? Sometimes they’re right. This is true for me – some of the phone calls and emails that come into our clinic do need to be answered while I’m gone and I’ve had to plan for that as well – with the caveat that not all of them need to be answered while I’m away.
If you call the clinic, or my direct line, or email me you’ll find out that one of our wonderful staff, Juliana Fruhling, has graciously offered to handle calls/emails that can’t wait while I’m away. Let me tell you – with the volume of calls and emails I respond to on a daily basis this is no small task and I am incredibly grateful that she has been willing to do this for me.
This isn’t actually an uncommon thing in our line of work, as just as medical doctors and other professionals, we always need to have someone available clinically if we’re not available. What’s uncommon about it this time is that I’m actually forcing myself to not be available and trust someone else to manage things while I’m gone. This requires letting go and trusting others. I’m fortunate that I have people I can trust and lean on in my absence, I just have to work hard on the letting go part.
The hard work of rest
Even with all of these things in place, I’m still challenged to rest. I’ve come to the conclusion that rest for me, and for others I imagine, is going to involve very little time doing nothing, and much time doing things that recharge me, and that I’ve perhaps let go by the wayside for a while. What this looks like is going to vary for everyone, but for me, the common themes of what I need are: playful activities, creative opportunities, and intellectual stimulation.
I’ve been getting these three things in spades on vacation and guess what? It’s making a difference. I’ve been loving spending time alone with Meg and the kids, enjoying some great restaurants and also spending time cooking for my family, as cooking is one of my favourite creative outlets that I don’t often have time for. Finally, I thrive on intellectual stimulation and reading, so I’m reading a few good books and engaging in intentional conversations, and writing. I love all of these things and don’t always get the opportunity in everyday life as much as I’d like.
Conclusion
I think that one of the most important things we get back to when we rest, is our own sense of self and the narrative that defines us. I am so very fortunate to be able to do what I love, every day, but my work life is only a part of what makes me who I am. As an Executive Director, small business owner, therapist, and consultant, my work life takes up a big chunk of my life and it’s easy for the rest to get pushed out of the picture. Oliver Sacks, in his book The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales, writes, “To be ourselves, we must have ourselves – possess, if need be re-possess, our life-stories. We must ‘recollect’ ourselves, recollect the inner drama, the narrative, of ourselves. A man needs such a narrative, a continuous inner narrative, to maintain his identity, his self” (p. 111, 2006).
For me, this is the purpose of rest, and also the all-important result of rest – a reclamation of our own narrative, our own self. If we can use our times of rest to get back to our core, satisfy our needs, perhaps remind ourselves of what our needs are and plan for how we are going to meet them when we re-enter “real life,” we are going to be more resilient, more effective, and also more balanced. This is what I’m working on now – assessing needs, meeting them, and planning for how this will continue when I return to the office and to real life.
I hope this article has been as helpful for you to read as it has been for me to write. It’s helped me solidify some of my thoughts while resting (remember the activities listed above as part of my rest?). Also, I thank you for your patience as I don’t respond to emails or calls in my absence – this is the hard work of rest, and I’m working hard on it.
by Andrew Neufeld | Jul 21, 2017 | Articles
One of the questions I get quite often is, “You’re a counsellor, why do you have all of these other people in your office?” These questions have become more frequent over the years, especially when we opened our yoga studio this past March. What on earth does yoga have to do with mental health? The simple answer? Lots. We have been very intentional about the disciplines we’ve incorporated into our clinic and there is a research based-rationale for everything. The bottom line answer as to why we have all the various disciplines we do is because they work – and moreso, as much as I am a counsellor and believe in the type of work that we do, I know that it is only one way to approach a difficulty, and to fully help the clients we have, an integrated approach is most helpful.
The Body and the Mind
Throughout history, the body and the mind have mainly been thought of as two separate entities. Dualism has been a predominant thought for centuries in many cultures, particularly Western. Eastern cultures have had less of a dichotomous view, and Western culture and medicine are starting to take a more unified view of the body and mind. This is being supported by much of the research on human anatomy, physiology, psychology, and the therapeutic techniques available to us.
Although once thought to be separate entities, the body and the mind are indeed very connected. There is new research being done on the Vagus nerve and autonomic nervous systems, driven by the Polyvagal Theory of Stephen Porges, that is showing just how connected the body and the brain are and how this impacts treatment. Without getting bogged down in neuroscience and human physiology, what is the implication for us at Alongside You and you as our clients?
There is more that one way to treat mental health, and counselling, while effective, is only one part of the solution.
Nutrition
If the body and the mind are so intimately connected, then it would stand to reason that what we consume matters! We already know that what we eat has a direct impact on our bodies; well, if that’s true, then we can assume that it affects our brains as well! One of the examples of this in my own life is when I discovered how much water intake impacted my wellbeing. Common sense would suggest that since our body and brain are comprised primarily of water, making sure that my water intake was up to par would be important. I am not always a smart man. However, I was having difficulty staying awake at my desk in the hospital, and maintaining focus. I don’t remember how I got the idea, but I consciously made an effort to drink 2 litres of water a day and suddenly I had more energy, could focus better and felt human again! Needless to say, it’s been about three years and I’ve continued this practice and can tell you that it’s one of the best changes I’ve ever made. For more information on the importance of nutrition, you can see our article here and here.
Yoga
Brenna and I have both written on the subject of yoga before, but what I want to point out is the bi-directionality of influence between the body and the mind. We know that the mind affects the body. Using guided imagery, meditation, and other techniques can help regulate heart rate, blood pressure, and more! I know from my own practice that mindfulness helps me keep these in check better than almost anything else.
Similarly, the body helps regulate the mind and our emotions. This isn’t new – I remember learning in undergraduate psychology at UBC that simply smiling will actually help us feel subjectively happier. Similarly, our breathing can impact our anxiety levels significantly. A technique I use with clients is one that I picked up from Dr. Marsha Linehan at a conference a few years back – it’s simple: breathe out slower than you breathe in. Try it – it works. It actually works so well that she gives a medical disclaimer that if lowering your heart rate or blood pressure could be a bad idea, don’t do it! Consider yourselves warned!
What I’m most excited about with yoga is the research coming out, primarily from Besel Van Der Kolk and David Emerson, showing that Trauma Sensitive Yoga is a very effective adjunct to psychotherapy and can sometimes be just as effective, if not more effective than counselling for recovery in people who have experienced trauma, even on its own. This is so promising for clients who are nonverbal, clients who are stuck in the symptoms of PTSD, clients who are not able to talk about their trauma, and more! You can read more about what we do with yoga here. I cannot be more excited about the results we’re seeing with our clients in our yoga program.
Art
One of the most common questions I get is “Why do you have an art studio in a health clinic?” The answer is simple: because it helps people recover. It is not about being the best artist (thank goodness or I wouldn’t be allowed to set foot in there), becoming the next Picasso or Monet, or painting the perfect sunset. It’s about finding a way to express your emotions, build community, meet new people, encourage each other, and so much more in a non-threatening environment where you’re free to simply create, explore, and restore your sense of self, your relationships, and your passions. I get to see teens engage in new creative mediums, families bond over art and communicate with each other, seniors join with the younger folks to enjoy an activity and pass on some of their wisdom, and people of all abilities working together, and around each other, and being accepted. Art heals. If you want to read more about it, check this article out, or maybe this one!
Conclusion
I could go on forever about why integrated care is so important, but the bottom line is because the body, the brain, and the soul are all integral parts of healing and we need to pay attention to all of them if we want to help people. We’re still a young clinic and we can’t do it all, but we’re trying to take a well-rounded approach to care. If we can help the body, and we can help the brain, and we can help the soul, people recover.
If you’d like to talk further, please feel free to give us a call. We’d love to connect with you. If you’re not sure what the right way to go is, we’re happy to explore that with you.
If you’re interested in exploring Mindfulness, check out this article by Brenna and our upcoming workshop on July 28th!
If you’d like to try some art, we have our Open Studio Sessions and a series of pop-up workshops on various topics this summer, check out our events calendar here!
If you don’t even know where to begin, give us a call or send us an email, we’d love to chat!
by Brenna Jacobson | Jun 25, 2017 | Events
It’s World Continence Week! Since its inception in Cairo in 2008, we celebrate from Monday – Sunday in the last week of June. It is estimated that incontinence affects approximately 400 million people worldwide. Historically people didn’t talk about their symptoms, finding it too personal, embarrassing, or thinking there was something different or wrong with their bodies in the form of involuntary leakage.
The purpose of World Continence Week is to increase public awareness and encourage people to educate themselves by talking to a friend or family member, a doctor or healthcare provider, or a professional who specializes in pelvic floor health and rehabilitation.
Incontinence issues can affect self-image, self-confidence and quality of life. So, if you’re reading this please know that you are definitely not alone, or different in some weird way! Will you take the first small step, get curious, and seek help? The good news is that it’s never too late to retrain the pelvic floor and associated muscular system. These muscles are no different than others, they respond to strength training programs and techniques, as well as release techniques. Yes, your pelvic floor muscles can be hypertonic (too tight) and need releasing before retraining. People often assume that incontinence is due to hypotonic (weak muscles) which often it is, if you are not an athletic person. There’s so much more information I’d love to share with you!
In honour of World Continence Week, we at Alongside You, are promoting pelvic health, and offering our 6-week Progressive Series for pelvic floor rehabilitation by retraining and conditioning. Bookings start July 1st, 2017! There is help available, take the first step!
Please give me a call today at 604-283-7827 ext. 709 or email brenna@alongsideyou.ca to set up your appointment!
by Brenna Jacobson | Jun 23, 2017 | Yoga
Mindfulness is a term you may be hearing a lot lately as it is being brought into everyday conversations, in response to our stressful lifestyles, and increased alienation from other people. This is due to many reasons, not the least of which are our busy lives, work hours, use of technology, cell phones, texting, and video games, just to name a few. Mindfulness is paying attention to the here and now with acceptance and non-judgement, kindness and curiosity.
Mindfulness Meditation has been a part of Hatha Yoga practices for thousands of years, so it’s not new, but thankfully is being rediscovered. It’s for all of us: children, teens and adults.
Have you ever found yourself repeatedly telling a child to “stop doing that?” It’s no wonder they either continue doing it or find some way to avoid not doing it. What we really need to do is teach them how to stop. This brings it back to you, the parent, to start integrating mindfulness into your own life, by practicing and showing your kids how to respond rather than react. By being compassionate first to yourself, you are resolving your buzzing thoughts, which will magically get passed on to others. Try an experiment: pick a time during the day and check where your mind is, past, future or the present?
Many seeds of mindfulness are planted early in life, but need to be tended and nurtured. As children, we lay on the grass staring up at the blue sky, watching clouds, hearing birds chirping, noticing the breeze gently caressing our face. Nowadays, we enjoy the moment, but most of us never learn how to integrate this into our life. Notice what you are doing already to set an example to children, teens or other adults. What do you do daily for self-care, relaxation and reflection?
Our children also need to be encouraged to have time to themselves to reset. As parents, we spend hours driving our children to countless extra-curricular classes and sports activities, as well as driving ourselves to the gym to work out on the way home from our jobs, texting frantically to communicate and at end of the day feeling more burned out than ever. Through mindfulness practice we can learn to stop – Stop, Take a breath, Observe and Proceed (STOP). Sometimes we don’t realize that all of the extras we take on can have issues attached, whether it’s with a coach, a team mate, feeling inadequate, comparing ourselves to others, and so on. So, the tough parts of the day don’t always end after school, they can confront us wherever we go and in our interactions with others.
Coming from a place of mindful self-compassion it’s important that we check in throughout the day to appreciate the taste of food, notice our bodies, and notice where our thoughts are and bringing them back to an anchor. Our anchor is often our breath, but an anchor can be a colour, a body part, a word, there are endless choices. I encourage you to take a moment in the morning before checking your e-mail, and think of the acronym R.A.I.N.: Recognize and be with your feelings, Allow your feelings to be as they are, Investigate your emotions by becoming curious as to why you feel the way you do, and Notice the troubled thoughts are Not you, it’s not personal to you.
Mindfulness is not about being self-indulgent, weak, selfish, irresponsible, or having self-pity. On the contrary, it’s about not beating ourselves up when we fail and being more likely to try again. It’s about taking more responsibility for ourselves and our families. It improves our perspective and brings awareness that we are not alone. As we take action we gain perspective and empathy for others. It has been said that 80% of life is just showing up. All we have to do is SHOW UP, and be in the present! The words medicine and meditation are both derived from the same Sanskrit word for “Inner Measure.”
May you experience an inner measure of mindfulness and self-compassion this week as you go about your life with intentionality. If you’d like to learn more about mindfulness and be introduced to how you incorporate it into your everyday life, I’d love to have you at my Introduction to Mindfulness class on Friday, July 28th at 8 pm. Register today and I hope to see you then!
Register: www.alongsideyou.ca/store
by Andrew Neufeld | Jun 16, 2017 | Dialectical Behaviour Therapy
In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) terms, the ability to get what we want in relationships, and to get out of relationships that aren’t good for us, is a skill called “interpersonal effectiveness.” It is one of the four core skills of the DBT program, and one of the skills we teach in our DBT Group as well as in our individual therapy with clients. When I talk about learning how to get what we want in relationships, sometimes people think I’m talking about being manipulative (and perhaps I am). Here’s the thing – we all need to get what we want in relationships. Quite frankly, that’s the reason we have relationships – because we get what we need out of them in a mutually beneficial, symbiotic fashion. Sometimes, however, we have a habit of getting in our own way.
Why is it that we have difficulties with interpersonal effectiveness in our relationships?
Sometimes it’s because we don’t know what we want! Other times our emotions get in the way and even control how we behave. Many times we forgo long term goals and plans for short term benefit. Alternatively, sometimes other people get in our way! Finally, sometimes our own thoughts and beliefs about ourselves and others mess things up.
What are some of the myths that get in the way of achieving our objectives in life? For a lot of people, it’s the mistaken belief that we don’t deserve to get what we want or need. Other times we may see a request as a sign of weakness – that is, we should be able to figure it out, or do it all on our own. Do you ever have a hard time saying, “no,” to people? You’re not alone. Often we get tied up in the belief that saying, “no,” to anyone is inherently selfish, or we should sacrifice our own needs and wellbeing for others.
What about relationships?
One of my favourite stumbling blocks we fall into in relationships is the idea that we shouldn’t have to tell our partners/friends/family what we want, or what we need – they should just know! I don’t know about you, but I haven’t developed the skill of mind-reading yet, and I’m pretty confident that most people haven’t. Yet, especially when we’re under stress this often becomes our implicit, if not explicit expectation of others. Why we do this is a very good question – I believe that it’s because it’s our desire that we are known by those closest to us in such a way that our needs are known and met; sometimes this does happen! Not because we can read minds, but because we have this thing called intuition. The problem comes when we expect this all the time and then believe that we don’t have the responsibility to tell others what our wants and needs are. Ironically, when we are able to relay our wants and needs to others in an effective way, the chances of needs being met skyrocket. Go figure!
One of the important steps to take to be effect in interpersonal situations is to clarify our goals. In DBT terms, we need objectives effectiveness, relationship effectiveness, and self-respect effectiveness. In layman’s terms, we could summarize these three goals as questions:
1) What specific changes do I want from this interaction and how do I get there?
2) How do I want this person to feel about me and what do I have to do to keep this relationship?
3) How do I want to feel about myself and what do I have to do to get there[1]?
In our DBT groups, we teach specific skills that answer these three very important questions. We all want to know how to get what we need from another person, how to keep and improve our relationships, and how to keep and improve upon our own self-respect. In fact, this is why DBT Skills can be great for everybody!
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If you’d like to learn more about Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), or just how to get more of what you need in relationships and how to set healthy boundaries for yourself, please contact us, we’d love to hear from you! You can reach us by phone at 604-283-7827 or by using our contact page today!
[1]From DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition, by Marsha M. Linehan, 2015.
by Brenna Jacobson | Jun 13, 2017 | Mindfulness Meditation
If you’ve tried a meditation practice you probably know how challenging it is to quiet our minds. You may have even experienced the incessant chatter that is the background to our everyday lives. Most people exist in this constant state and find it difficult to shift out of it, into the “rest and digest” parasympathetic mode.
Essential to our health and well-being is the ability to find periods of quiet, stillness and calm. Creating quiet space balanced with activity is important to create equilibrium. Once you experience, and practice becoming still and quiet, you stop missing the special moments in life, you see life in a whole new way – the mindful way. The results of being mindful stay with us after our practice, including better mood, less stress and anxiety, and more focused brain function. We are able to make better choices with more effective problem solving and be proactive rather than reactive in everyday life. We’d love to help you find your way toward mindful living and authentic engagement with the world, because your health will benefit!
Join us at our introductory workshop on Mindfulness where you’ll learn core skills, and build your own practice.
“The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear.” – Rumi
Location: Alongside You – #205-4840 Delta Street Ladner
Register: www.alongsideyou.ca/store
Cost: $49+GST
Time: Friday July 28th 8:00-9:45
For more information please contact: Brenna Jacobson (Pelvic Floor Specialty) (RYT 250) Pre-post Natal Consultant.
Phone: 604-283-7827 Ext 709 Email: brenna@alongsideyou.ca
