by Andrew Neufeld | Sep 13, 2016 | Articles, In The Community
I don’t know about you, but the phrase, “back to school,” is starting to sound synonymous with “My kids are nuts and I’m going to lose my mind.” Alright, that may have been a bit dramatic, but the return to school this year is really starting to feel chaotic. From what I’m hearing from clients, friends, and family members, I’m not alone in feeling this way. Whether it’s trying to calm the excited screams of our children without getting a migraine, or prying our anxious kids off the bedpost when they refuse to leave in the morning. Sound familiar? It’s not easy, trying to juggle school schedules, sports activities, and work. In today’s post, we talk about why transitioning into a back to school routine is so tough (for both parents and kids!) and provide some tips and tricks that can help you cope with it better.
What makes back to school so tough?
Times of transitions for individuals, and particularly families, can be difficult to navigate. While it may be but a long lost memory for you at this point, my suspicion is that the transition from school to summer holidays may have been a bit of a challenge too. The kids go from being occupied 6 hours a day outside of the home to being unoccupied at home which can make them bored, lethargic, and sometimes cranky. However, soon that pent up energy gets put to good use whether that’s in the form of summer camps, baking cookies with grandma, or having friends over for play dates. Time passes by quickly and before you know it, getting your kids back to the school routine becomes the new challenge.
Transitions are dreaded by people mostly due to the feeling of anxiety that often occurs during periods of uncertainty. Anxiety builds in times of transition because we’re thrown off of our rhythm. Just when we finally have a summertime routine set in place, things change and we’re back to a school schedule. Instead of the laid back summer days, we now have a jam-packed schedule of classes and other extracurricular activities. Our kids often get anxious at the return to school as they now have to adjust to new teachers, a new classroom, and reconnecting with friends who they may not have seen for 3 months. An increased workload, daily homework, and high academic expectations may send those stress levels soaring.
It also doesn’t help that school-related anxieties are met with the stresses of life at home. Parents have to juggle work with making lunches, managing sibling quarrels, childcare issues, and getting the kids to and from school and other events. Some parents get pre-empty nest syndrome where the home feels like an empty house. Their major stress comes from their kids getting older and spending more time at school. Both situations make the back-to-school transition tough for parents.
How do we stay sane and cope with the transition?
Here are a few quick tips to manage this year’s transition. This tricks will help you and your kids come out the other side with most of your marbles intact.
- Get to know your kids’ teachers – sooner rather than later. They are an invaluable resource in keeping tabs on your kid’s mental and physical health, as well as their progress at school. If your kid has difficulties in school, make sure there’s a learning plan in place that is supported both at school and at home. If your kid needs extra support, schools often have Education Assistants or blocks of time for students to get extra help. It may also be wise to invest in the services of a tutor, which will give your kid some extra help, and also allow you to attend to other important things on your plate. Kids also tend to respond better to tutoring that isn’t at the hands of a parent.
- Keep tabs on what’s happening in the lives of your family members. It makes planning much easier and keeps everyone organized. My wife and I battle over how best to do this (I’m a geek, so I’m all about electronic calendars and schedules. She’s a paper pusher and loves physical calendars). So, since it’s my article, here are a few good electronic options:iCal/Outlook: Built into your operating system (OS X or Windows respectively) these calendars are flexible and networked so you can see activities/appointments/etc as they change in real time.
- For what it’s worth, we use iCal at our house.Cozi: One of the most popular electronic calendars, built specifically for families and has many nice features such as calendar integration with your desktop computer calendar, as well as its own separate app. It also allows everyone in the family to add to shopping lists, to-do lists, meal planning, and even journaling functions.
- Google Calendar: If you’re wrapped up in the Google ecosphere with your emails, their calendar functionality is very good. Very similar to iCal/Outlook, but quite frankly, it’s probably better. If you use Gmail, it’s well worth looking into.
- If you insist on using paper, I’d suggest getting one of those large monthly calendars from somewhere like Staples that rests on a desk, and pin it to the wall and have everyone add all of their activities onto it so it’s visible, and acts as a compass for the family, and particularly the kids.
- Whether you choose electronic calendars or paper calendars, kids respond best to structure, Instead of tugging them from one activity to the next, a timeline helps kids react better to change if they know what to expect.
- Make your life easier by cooking in bulk, and freezing leftovers in containers to be taken for lunches. One of the best habits to get into is doing some bulk cooking on weekends and freezing meals or making extra of whatever you are eating and freezing the leftovers. Kids often have activities on weekends, or maybe you’re at church all Sunday morning, or maybe you actually work weekends so weekends may not work for you. Whatever your schedule, I highly recommend identifying chunks of time in your week where you can meal prep ahead of time and freeze meals. It will make your life easier, I guarantee it. Once you have identified the time to do this, put it on your calendar and stick to it.
- Set aside time daily to connect with your family. It is a difficult task given how overscheduled we all seem to be in life, but it is incredibly important. As parents, we need to connect with each other to know where we’re at, support each other, and discuss any concerns. We also need to connect with our kids so they have the opportunity to tell us how they’re doing, and also, just have some good old-fashioned fun as a family.Now, I know how busy life gets during the week, and sometimes even sitting down to a meal together seems like a monumental task (or even impossible). We certainly know this in our family and have the same challenges!
- So, here’s a quick 5- minute exercise you can do each day as a family to connect each day. It’s very straightforward – each person takes a turn telling everyone one good thing, one bad thing, and one funny thing that happened that day. This ensures that even at a basic level, everyone is connecting on a daily basis. This also gives parents a chance to talk about challenges of the day, which reinforces to kids that it’s ok to talk about difficult things in the day and that other person will listen and care. Finally, it encourages everyone to laugh together – this is perhaps the most important part!
- Make sure you and the rest of your family have down time. It is so easy in our day and age to overschedule ourselves and think that we have to do everything that is presented to us as an opportunity, or that our kids have to do every school activity, sport, extra class, etc. Nobody can do it all, and further, we are not designed to work or study all day every day. As important as work and school are, the fundamental thing we all need in life to be happy, healthy, and successful is a balance. In order to be balanced in life, we need to offset work and school with social connection, play, reading, drawing, exercise, and other fun activities. We all need to be refreshed, or our well will run dry.
Seek balance, enjoy life. Even during “back to school.”
I hope that this short article encourages you – you are not alone in the mayhem that is “back to school!” This is an exciting, yet challenging time of year for us all – lots of possibilities and opportunities, while full of challenges and chaos. I hope these five strategies will help you as you muddle through this transition period and allow you and your family to strike a balance. Balance is possible, but sometimes it means making hard choices and may even mean not doing some of the things we feel we must, or even just really want to do. If you can make some of these hard choices, your family relationships and your physical and mental health will thank you. When in doubt, choose balance.
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If you’d like some help finding a balance for you or your family, we’d love to help. Please give us a call at 604-283-7827, send us an email through our website, or book an appointment online and one of our counsellors would love to help you out!
by Andrew Neufeld | Sep 12, 2016 | Announcements, Occupational Therapy, Registered Dietitian
First, A Sad Goodbye
It is with a heavy heart we bid farewell to Katie Huston, our Registered Dietitian. Katie has been with us from the get go, and has been an excellent member of our team here at Alongside You. We’re excited for her as she continues her work as the Manager of Food Services at St. Paul’s Hospital and starting her Masters degree at the University of British Columbia. We know she’ll do well and we wish her all the best as she takes on these new challenges! She will be sorely missed around Alongside You HQ.
I Know You Say Goodbye, I Say…Pause
You may have noticed that Kristin hasn’t been around the office much since June. We’re missing her while she’s on maternity leave, but happy to announce the birth of her first child, Owen! We’re not sure how long she’ll be away, but we are excited for her and her family and look forward to her return sometime next year!
Hello From The Other Side
It is with great pleasure I get to announce that we’ve hired another Occupational Therapist who has joined the team and is a great fit! Wendy Meades is an Occupational Therapist with over 20 years of experience, and also a visual artist. To say we’re excited at the possibilities would be a grave understatement! To give you an idea of the services she offers, check out this list:
- Fine motor skills enhancement
- Improving printing skills
- Sensory issues for kids
- Self care skills
- Wheelchair/Equipment needs assessments
- Home/building consultations to make spaces more accessible
- Ergonomics assessments
This list is not exhaustive, so if you have questions about how she can help, please give her a call at (604) 283-7827 ext. 3, or through our contact page!
by Andrew Neufeld | Aug 12, 2016 | Counselling
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) was developed by Marsha Linehan, a Professor of Psychology, Psychiatry and Behavioural Sciences at the University of Washington. She was struggling to find solutions for her patients in hospitals and clinical practice who came in repeatedly with chronic suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts. Through her work with DBT, she went on to become the Director of the Behavioural Research and Therapy Clinics at the university. Her primary research focuses on developing and evaluating evidence-based treatments for those with high suicide risk and multiple major mental health issues. All of this information can be found in the “About The Author” section of her book, “DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets” which is also the book we use in our Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Groups at Alongside You.
Now, let me tell you in her own words why Marsha Linehan developed, and is passionate about her own work in DBT. I happened to have the pleasure of doing some training with Marsha last year in Seattle and she summed up the goal of DBT and her work with clients in one sentence: “To have a life worth living.” I can’t think of a better way to explain the goal of DBT. So many of the people I work with, particularly those who struggle with chronic suicidal thoughts and actions, and multiple major mental health issues have ceased believing that it is possible to have a life worth living. This is my job as a therapist and the job of DBT – that is, to help the people I work with see that it is possible to have a life worth living.
How Does DBT Help Clients?
DBT focuses on four major skill areas: Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and Distress Tolerance. The core of DBT begins with an analysis of each client’s behaviour through chain analysis, and missing-links analysis to find the causes of the behaviours and come up with a plan for problem-solving around these causes. Chain Analysis addresses when we engage in the ineffective behaviour, while Missing-Link Analysis addresses when we fail to use effective behaviours. This allows my clients to be aware of their struggles and plan accordingly in a proactive way.
- Mindfulness skills help clients reduce suffering and increase happiness and control of their own mind. Linehan is a Zen Master and incorporates mindfulness into DBT throughout. However, we don’t have to be Zen Masters to make use of mindfulness skills! There are many ways to practice mindfulness and I encourage my clients to try many different methods and find the best fit for themselves.
- Using Interpersonal Effectiveness skills can help clients develop new relationships, improve current ones and deal with conflict. Many of us struggle with asking for what we want or need in relationships, as well as struggling with how to say no to things we need to. Effective relationships is a core need for all of us in building our support systems and our resilience.
- The goal of Emotion Regulation Skills is to reduce emotional suffering. We’re not saying you should try to get rid of emotions because emotions play a very important role in our lives. Rather, we emphasize working on our skills and ability to manage, regulate, and change our emotions when we have a desire or need to.
- Distress Tolerance is described by Linehan as having the skills to tolerate and survive a crisis situation without making the situation worse. This is important for two primary reasons: pain is a part of life that we cannot avoid, and the ability to tolerate distress is a necessary step in making any changes in our lives. Without distress tolerance skills, the stress of making changes will circumvent our attempts to move forward in a different way. Through Crisis Survival Skills and Reality Acceptance Skills, clients learn to tolerate their distress and make lasting changes in their lives.
Conclusion
While DBT was originally developed to help highly suicidal clients, and those meeting the criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder, DBT is also able to help with other issues. For those struggling with Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Stress Management, Anger Management, Conflictual Relationships, DBT can be a good choice. If you’re struggling with any of the above issues, using these four core skills of DBT can help you build the core mindfulness skills necessary to remain present in our lives. DBT helps you better manage your emotions and reactions to situations, be more effective in your interpersonal relationships, and tolerate the distress involved in making changes in your life. If you’re dealing with any of these issues, I hope this gives you hope. DBT is not the only solution, but it is a proven, effective solution that produces results!
by Andrew Neufeld | Jun 16, 2016 | Counselling
In part 1 of this post, “The problem with the lack of governing body in counselling,” shows why it’s important for all counsellors to meet the professional standards and ethical requirements for counselling. People have the right to know the counsellor they’ve chosen come from a background of qualified counselling. These qualifications can come a degree, or some form of proof attendance and completion of school. Clients can then rest assured the counsellor of their choice sufficient knowledge in their field. All counsellors should have proof that they’ve spent sufficient time in researching and learning the methods of clinical practice.
What To Watch Out For When Choosing a Counsellor in British Columbia
Understanding what to look for when choosing a counsellor is super important. The emerging trend of something called “competency based counselling” is incredibly troubling. “Competency based counselling” suggests that life experience and a little bit of training is an adequate substitute for years of schooling, ongoing professional development, and clinical supervision. There are a number of organizations being formed right now based on this idea. The scary thing is these organizations look every bit as official and professional as their authentic counterparts. Especially to those who don’t know the counselling profession that well. It is very important to know that these organizations aren’t regulated for meeting standards that the BCACC, CCPA, and BCAMFT do.
Here’s a question for you: would you be comfortable going to seek medical advice or treatment from someone who hasn’t gone to medical school? Most likely not. Based on the “competency based” approach, someone who has worked alongside doctors and completed a few courses on medical issues would be equal to someone who has completed medical school. This is precisely what some of these “competency based” organizations are suggesting you should do for counselling. This is not okay. It is completely unethical.
Counsellors are specially trained to work with people who are going through some of the most difficult experiences in life. Further, our work has a direct impact on thought processes, social relationships, daily functioning, and a lasting physiological effect on the brains of our clients. There are quite literally thousands of studies documenting brain changes based on psychotherapy. This is not something to be taken lightly – working with a counsellor has the potential to affect your brain chemistry. This is why it is so important that your counsellor has proper training and experience before you allow them to significantly influence your life.
What To Look For In A Counsellor
The first thing I would look for in a counsellor is that they are a member of one of the three organizations mentioned previously (BCACC, CCPA, BCAMFT). If you are seeing a Psychologist, make sure they are part of the College of Psychologists of BC. This will assure that they have met the minimum requirements set out by counsellors and/or psychologists who have been practicing in the field. It also protects you because they are under obligation and held accountable to meet ethical standards.
If a counsellor is not a member of one of these organizations, I would question their qualifications. Sometimes, a fresh graduate with a Masters degree or Ph. D may be waiting to hear back from their application or have to take additional courses to meet criteria differences between countries. Aside from these reasons, every counsellor or psychologist should be part of one of these three organizations.
Questions To Ask Your Counsellor
Sometimes it is hard to know what type of questions to ask. You might want to find out if a counsellor’s training is adequate. Or what their experience is. Or if they are going to be a good fit for you as a client. Here are a few sample questions you can ask any counsellor. These are designed to help you get information on their training, clinical background, and whether they are what you are looking for:
- Where did you get your training? What were your undergraduate and graduate degrees in?
- Where were your practicum / internship placements?
- What professional training have you completed after graduating?
- Do you currently have a Clinical Supervisor? If not, why not?
- What is your experience in professional practice? What settings have you worked in (Hospitals, Outpatient Clinics, Private Practice, Other)?
- What experience do you have working with the issues I am dealing with? How long do you think it will take to see change?
- What made you decide to become a counsellor and what are you passionate about in your work?
The last question may seem strange. However, so much of effective counselling relies on the personhood and humanity of the counsellor. Always ask your counsellor questions that relate to their education, training, and clinical experience. The most overlooked but equally important question is “Why are they doing this? Are they in it to help clients move forward in life?” In my experience, clients who ask these questions gain a better insight of whether or not the counsellor-client relationship will be a good fit.
Closing Thoughts
I hope this article helps you in choosing the right counsellor. It’s important to know what to look for and what to be careful of in order to be a wise consumer. Registering body like the BCACC, CCPA, BCAMFT, or College of Psychologists of BC help professionals stay on top of their profession, education, and ethics. It also provides clients with reassurance that the professional has met certain standards and are reliable professionals. “Counsellors” who don’t meet these standards, or believe in “competency based” may have the good intentions but they lack the expertise of someone who has spent years in school.
You want a professional that has gone through adequate learning, practice, and who complies to the regulation of a professional body. A professional who meets these requirements have your best interests at heart. Not someone who claims to but does not want to go through the necessary schooling or training for the profession. It is my hope that this article helps clients feel confident in their ability to make wise decisions in their counselling journey. As well as encourage professionals to maintain the highest standards of professional practice in our desire to help others.
To learn more about the professional bodies, please check out their respective websites.
BC Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC)
http://bc-counsellors.org
Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA)
https://www.ccpa-accp.ca
British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (BCAMFT)
http://www.bcamft.bc.ca
by Andrew Neufeld | Jun 9, 2016 | Counselling
Two of the most frequently asked questions I get from people is, “How do I choose a counsellor?” and “How do I know what to look for when I’m choosing a counsellor?” These are very important questions I’m always happy to answer. Nowadays it’s critical to be a wise consumer of mental health and other counselling services. Especially since not all services or service providers are the same. Be careful of the options in the community that look “official” but the counsellor is not actually professionally qualified.
The Problem with the Lack of Governing Body in Counselling
One of the biggest problems in British Columbia is that there is no College for counsellors. A College is a regulatory body, established in the province of British Columbia to regulate a profession. The College abides by the Health Professions Act, or in the case of Social Workers, the Social Workers Act. The lack of a College for counsellors is a problem that counsellors have been trying to fix for over a decade but have not been able to for many reasons that are beyond the scope of this article. Doctors, social workers, nurses, and psychologists all have a College that is regulated by the province with specific entrance requirements, ethical standards and ongoing training requirements. These requirements ensure that anyone calling themselves a doctor, social worker, nurse, or psychologist have met these requirements (assuming they can prove registration with the college). While no system is perfect, you can at least be assured that certain minimum standards are maintained in professions that are regulated under a College.
Not having a College for counselling profession in British Columbia is a major problem. Think about it. You could literally drop out of high school, put up a sign, and call yourself a counselor. There is absolutely nothing illegal about this, and quite frankly, this happens far more frequently than it should. This is why it is very important to know what degrees and credentials to look for when you’re choosing a counsellor.
The Current Solution – Self Regulation
Thankfully, we have a solution called self-regulation. It’s not a perfect solution but it’s the best we can do for the time being. There are three major registering bodies for counsellors in BC that are responsible for self-regulation in counselling. They are: the BC Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC), the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA), the British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (BCAMFT). These organizations were created by counsellors in the profession who wanted to ensure a minimum level of professionalism was met. The minimum level of professionalism includes meeting mandatory education requirements and ethical standards. Self-regulation means there is a complaint process for the public that ensures accountability. The regulating bodies also require ongoing education where counsellors continue their education on the latest research and treatment methods.
All of these organizations require a minimum of a Masters degree in the field of psychology, completion of practicums/internships, and guidelines for ongoing supervision while in clinical practice. Certain requirements must be met to be covered under professional liability insurance which acts to protect the interests of both counsellors and clients.
How Does This Affect You?
Just as in any other profession, it is necessary that counsellors meet professional standards and ethical requirements. Our clients should have confidence that their counsellor has gone through proper training. Proper training includes time spent at school learning counselling theory, conducting research, and practicing the methods of clinical practice that have been shown to be beneficial to clients. Counsellors should have gone through professional training via internships where they were supervised by counsellors who have been in the field for many years. Training under such guidance can enhance their learning and practice so they become effective at helping others.
It is essential to have professional standards for ongoing supervision and accountability. These standards validate a counsellor’s commitment to ongoing learning. They also serve as a source for counsellors to seek help from when they need additional insight into the difficulties of their clients. Professional standards and regulations help ensure counsellors are always acting in the best interests of their clients and always doing so in an ethical manner.
Finally, it is important to have a process in place for complaints. This provides clients with a method for recourse if they feel a counsellor is not acting ethically. This insurance helps protect both clients and counsellors. Especially in cases of legitimate claims or false allegations. Without a governing body, there is no oversight for these very important areas.
Our next article will explore what to look for when choosing a counsellor. There are certain things you need to watch out for and specific questions you should be asking. There is a lot at stake. Your mental health and the mental health of your loved ones can be deeply affected by the counsellor you choose to see.
Update: Continue to Part 2 of the blog – The Difficulties with Choosing A Counsellor in British Columbia – Part I
To learn more about the professional bodies, please check out their respective websites.
BC Association of Clinical Counsellors (BCACC)
http://bc-counsellors.org
Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA)
https://www.ccpa-accp.ca
British Columbia Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (BCAMFT)
http://www.bcamft.bc.ca
