by Alannah Mcintee | Aug 17, 2018 | Media, Mental Health, Suicide
Over the last few years, there has been an increase in mental health visibility in television, movies, and social media. People have been more open about their own experiences with mental illness, and there has been an increase in the representation of suicide and mental health on television and movies. I believe that this is a significant step forward to de-stigmatizing and normalizing mental illness.
One show that tore down barriers and was a big step in suicide representation was “13 Reasons Why”, which was met with controversy and resistance. For those who have not watched the show, it is terrible. I don’t mean terrible as in it was poorly written or the actors weren’t very talented. I am referring to the fact that it is a raw depiction of suicide that captures the intensity and terribleness of taking one’s own life. This television series is a straight-forward, honest, and painful representation of suicide. As mentioned earlier, this television show is deemed by many to be controversial and inappropriate for its target audience. However, it is meant to bring awareness to the factors leading up to suicide in youth, such as bullying, ostracization, or sexual assault. The purpose of this series is to inspire dialogue amongst others so individuals can reach out for help, recognize warning signs of suicide, or be supportive towards others who are struggling.
We are currently in a cultural shift where advocates are working towards the destigmatization of mental illnesses, which also includes discussing suicide openly amongst each other and in our media. Nevertheless, with this shift, there is also apprehension and opposition because it is ingrained in us that we should not be talking about suicide, let alone see it on television. There is a fear that if it is discussed or exposed to others, then we may inspire the idea in someone else and they will be more likely take their life, which is not true.
It is necessary to mention that as our media begins to introduce these topics, there is still a long way to go. More often than not, television shows and films can miss the point when it comes to getting the proper help and support or how to begin the necessary conversation when acknowledging suicide. The mere depiction of suicide in our media is not enough on its own. Therefore, there is a need for more discussion and awareness present in our media regarding mental illness and symptoms, finding support, and accessing resources to be present. We are only at the beginning of the battle of de-stigmatization, and there is a long way to go before we get to where we need to be.
Given that suicide and mental health is a tricky topic to navigate through, it can feel as though there are so many Do’s and Don’t’s when talking to someone about it. If you’re not a mental health professional, it can feel like you’re walking on eggshells trying to have a conversation about suicide with someone else, but that’s okay, it is a tough topic. The best way to talk about suicide and mental illness with someone else is by being open and direct about it. It’s okay to ask someone if they are thinking about, or have thought about suicide because it creates an opportunity for a person to talk about what is going on for them. Additionally, listen to them, respect and validate their feelings, take what they say seriously, and get them the appropriate help and resources that they need (resources and websites are below).
Many of us are entering a new and unknown territory as we learn how to navigate a discussion about these difficult topics and it makes sense that it is met with resistance and uncertainty. However, it is important to note that this is one of the many reasons that we need media like “13 Reasons Why” that will make us cringe and feel uneasy, to bring light to the fact that we may be uncomfortable discussing these topics. What is still sometimes missing in the media, however, is the follow-up conversation needed after these difficult topics.
Clinical Director’s Note:
When this TV show came out there was a lot of controversy. In fact, in conversation with many of the leaders of the local mental health resources we even considered creating media titled, “13 Reasons Why Not,” because much of the response to the show seemed to be that the show glorified suicide, or certainly did not provide any of the needed conversations to follow up on this important topic.
Whatever our views are of this new sort of media and its’ appropriateness, it’s a reminder of the importance of having open, honest conversations with youth around suicide and mental health.
It’s a difficult conversation to have, and there are many local resources to help, including Alongside You. If we can be of help please let us know. Here’s a list of other resources in the community as well as larger resources across Canada and North America:
Child and Teen Mental Health
Boys and Girls Club
Deltassist
1-800-SUICIDE
310 Mental Health Support: 310-6789
https://crisiscentre.bc.ca/youthinbccom/
CrisisCentreChat.ca
https://13reasonswhy.info
Alannah McIntee is the one of two new interns at Alongside You. Studying at Adler University she has a keen interest in working with kids and we’re excited to have her on board!
by Marcia Moitoso | Jul 4, 2018 | Baby Blues, Depression, Mental Health
Understanding the Baby Blues
The transition into parenthood can be a time full of tender and beautiful moments, and it can also be a time of immense difficulty. On social media, we see a lot of those beautiful moments, but we don’t typically see the difficult ones. Many parents are then caught off guard and may even feel isolated and ashamed for the difficulties and alterations in their own mental health that can come with childbirth. While conversations about the beauty are important, it’s also crucial to talk about the difficulties.
About 85% of mothers experience the Baby Blues, which is a period after giving birth where mothers and some fathers experience profound sadness and anxiety. Baby Blues typically lasts 2 weeks to one month as women’s hormone levels slowly return to their baseline. These perinatal hormonal imbalances can often affect a woman’s ability to respond to stress for a variety of biological reasons. On top of the physiological changes, there’s also an unimaginable number of new stressors that new parents may have never dealt with before.
Imagine if you were a lawyer for several decades, you were great at your job and thought of yourself as competent. All of a sudden, you were then thrown into a job as a chef at a high-level restaurant and everyone immediately expected you to know exactly what you were doing and to perform perfectly and instinctually. You may have read some books on cooking, but you find the high paced kitchen overwhelming and can’t always remember what you read when stressful situations arise, yet you feel ashamed for not immediately knowing how to adjust to this completely new career. That seems like a pretty unreasonable expectation for others to put on you and for you to put on yourself. Presumably, you would need a period of someone showing you how to do the job, you’d need support from your partner and friends with the stress of taking on a new career and you’d need time to eventually allow your own personality and creativity to catch up with the learning curve.
It’s not difficult to understand the need for a time of transition in a drastic career change, and yet, we as a society ignore this need for most parents new, especially women; we assume that parenthood and bonding with a new baby just come naturally and easily. In reality, new parents are often overwhelmed by the anxiety of not knowing what their baby needs at first and they need time to learn. Breastfeeding may be incredibly difficult and your baby might never take to it. Contrary to popular opinion on social media, that is okay! Fed is best, any way you can make that happen makes you a superhero whether it’s breastfeeding or formula.
During this transition, relationships may also become strained. Partners often need to re-establish new roles now as co-parents which can take time and can be challenging at first. Some co-parents may find themselves pulling away from each other due to the stress of not sleeping, having less alone time and trying to figure out this new role. This relationship strain can be a particularly harmful consequence because new parents really need support, especially during the period of baby blues.
How can counselling help the Baby Blues?
Relationship counselling can be really helpful during the perinatal period. During pregnancy, new parents can prepare for their shifting roles through the counselling process and determine how to best support each other when their new family member comes along. It can also be helpful to seek/continue relationship counselling after the baby is born for the same reasons.
Similarly, mothers and fathers can also benefit from individual counselling, where they can learn to draw on their personal strengths to develop coping methods and better understand what their emotions are telling them. These skills derived in counselling can help new parents to best support themselves, their partners and their new baby as they embark on this new life transition that is both wonderful and stressful.
It is important to remember the phrase, “it takes a village to raise a child.” You don’t have to do all of this on your own and there is so much strength in reaching for help.
This post has been about the Baby Blues, which is different from postpartum depression in terms of length and severity. My next post will address postpartum depression, what to look for and how to find help.
Marcia Moitoso is the one of two new interns at Alongside You. Studying at Adler University she has a keen interest in reproductive mental health and we’re excited to have her on board!
by Andrew Neufeld | Jun 14, 2018 | Communication, Connection, Counselling, Depression, Mental Health
The deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, both by apparent suicide has the world reeling again. There have been numerous articles in response to this, calling for more mental health support, offering advice on how to reach out to loved ones, and more. One of my first thoughts was of how devastating substance abuse can be. I don’t know directly how much alcohol or drugs factored into the deaths of these two celebrities, but both had struggled with substances throughout their lives and it seems as though it likely influenced these most recent tragedies.
When we experience the death of a celebrity, a work colleague, a friend, or family member, one of the common struggles is wondering what could have been done? What if we’d just reached out more? What if we’d asked them how they were doing more? What if we’d encouraged them to get help more? The reality is that simply checking in on someone, or offering platitudes like, “Make sure you ask for help when you need it,” simply don’t work very often.
One of our staff pointed me to this article in which a group of friends held an intervention of sorts for a friend struggling with grief. What I appreciated about the article, from the perspective of the friend being intervened upon, was the comment that this approach could have easily backfired. This is very much true – it worked in her case, but on a different day, at a different time, or for any other number of reason the approach could have backfired. Still, she was grateful that they had intervened. So, here are some ways I’m going to suggest we can succeed in supporting friends when the stereotypical “reaching out” isn’t working.
Show Up
Most people struggling with mental health will tell you that it’s incredibly isolating. Isolation intensifies and worsens negative emotions and symptoms of mental health difficulties. It removes motivation, removes hope, and so much more. So, what this means is that when we ask, “Hey, how are you doing today? Have you gone outside for a walk? Is there anything I can do,” we are likely to hear, “I’m fine, it’s ok,” because giving any other answer requires motivation and hope, and effort, just like any other action on their part.
This is where we can show up. We know what our friends, family members, and loved ones need in general because it’s good for anyone: healthy food, going for walks, help with practical things in life. If we ask if we can do something for someone struggling, they’ll likely say no. If we show up and help, however, we are more likely to succeed, and more often than not, they will be grateful that we showed up and helped them.
Know Our People Well
In order to show up and be effective, we need to know what our friends, family members, or loved ones like, need, and long for. This requires us to know them well. It requires intimacy and vulnerability on both our parts, and we need to be working on this when times are good. If we rely on building this when things are bad, it will be incredibly difficult. There’s a tool I use when working with couples in therapy as we focus on building a foundation for their relationship and I think it can be helpful here. The Gottman Institute card decks are designed for couples, but they could easily be used for building interpersonal knowledge and intimacy in any relationship. The Love Maps and Open-Ended Questions card decks are particularly helpful for this – know that the language is geared for couples, but I’d love to see more of us using these in our other relationships. The more we know each other on a deeper level, the more we’ll be prepared to respond when someone is having a difficult time with mental health. We’ll know their wants, needs, desires, hopes, without even having to ask.
Be Willing To Take The Risk
Sometimes what we do as we try to help someone might backfire. If we show up unannounced to take someone for a walk because they can’t get out; if we show up with food and conversation when they can’t bring themselves to cook or to talk to anyone; if we show up and clean their house for them, these all may backfire. We might make them mad, we might embarrass them, we may even get the door slammed in our face.
We also might, just maybe, make the difference needed to help them move the next step forward, and they didn’t have to do it alone.
I often get asked the question, “What if I make things worse?” The reality is, it’s hardly possible to make things worse by showing empathy and love. For the sake of argument, even if we do, what then? Are they more depressed or more anxious? That’s a risk we need to be willing to take, and I can tell you that from my experience, it simply does not happen that way.
Get Help Yourself
Finally, if you try everything, you show up, you do for someone what they can’t do for themselves, and it’s not working, this is where a professional’s help can be a great asset. Trying to care for someone is difficult, especially when we don’t see results. It wears on us, it causes us distress, and we are now at greater risk for mental health difficulties ourselves. Sometimes we also just need an outside perspective from someone with experience with these issues. This is where a Registered Clinical Counsellor can be helpful in supporting you and providing outside insight into how you might help someone. RCC’s can also be helpful in connecting you or the person you’re concerned about with appropriate resources that may be helpful.
Don’t Give Up
Caring for someone who is struggling is hard. Don’t give up on them – try some of the strategies above, get some help for yourself if they won’t let you help them, and in case you missed it the first few times, don’t give up.
Feel free to contact us for help or counselling related matters. Our doors are always open.
