What Does it Mean to Live Authentically?
Living authentically will vary from person to person. But an overarching explanation is living in a way that is aligned with your values and beliefs, rather than listening to and conforming to external expectations and pressures. It involves choosing with intention and accepting our vulnerability and imperfections. It is the courage to be who you are, by being honest with yourself and listening to yourself, even when you’re feeling sad, scared, or unsure. It’s not about constantly chasing happiness or avoiding discomfort, but about being present and true, even when it’s hard. This might look like saying, “This is what I actually feel,” instead of, “This is what I should feel.”
Why is it hard to live authentically?
Living in a world that constantly tells us who to be can make it challenging to connect with what we truly want or who we are. Other factors, like culture, societal expectations, childhood experiences, and trauma, can also make it challenging to live authentically. These external influences can leave us feeling like we have to perform or hide who we are to be accepted and liked.
But living authentically doesn’t mean doing everything on your own or shutting people out. It also doesn’t mean ignoring others’ opinions or advice, it’s about finding a balance. It means being open to feedback that helps you grow, without letting it shut out your own voice. It’s about being who you are, messy, growing, and just as you are.
Signs you may be living inauthentically
As we are being flooded with messages telling us who to be, how we should look, what success should mean, and how we’re supposed to feel or act, over time, all these messages can pull us away from who we really are. We adapt, we perform, we try to fit in. And often, we end up pushing down parts of ourselves to please others or meet expectations. While this might help us feel accepted, they can take a toll on ourselves. We may struggle with depression, low self-esteem, and feel disconnected from relationships. We can’t deeply connect with others if we are hiding our true selves.
Common signs of inauthentic living
- Feeling a lack of direction and purpose
- Feeling like something is missing
- Constantly seeking external validation
- Suppressing your opinion to please others
- Constantly comparing yourself to others
- Living by “shoulds”
- Having difficulty making decisions
Ways to start living authentically
Living authentically doesn’t mean being bold all the time or rejecting every outside expectation. It’s more about making small, intentional choices that reflect what really matters to you, your values, even when it’s uncomfortable. And that often starts with simply noticing when you’re overriding your needs, when you’re performing, or when you’re living by “shoulds” that were never really yours to begin with.
It can begin with teasing apart your values and beliefs from those that have been imposed on you. This can be challenging, as we are constantly being overwhelmed with messages from a young age. But living authentically involves small, honest actions. It’s about being real, even if that means disappointing others to stay true to yourself. This could look like:
- Taking a moment to reflect on your values, what matters to you, rather than what you’ve been told should matter
- Noticing when you feel like you’re performing or putting on a front for others
- Taking a small step by saying no when you don’t have the capacity
- Giving yourself permission to rest without feeling guilty
While living authentically can sound easy, life is not always that simple and neat. Instead, it’s messy, constantly evolving and changing. Living authentically is not a one-time achievement, it’s a lifelong journey. So, if I were to say what living authentically means for me now, my answer would be pretty different from what it was a few years ago, and will likely be different a few years from now.
So, if you feel like you’re not living authentically, give yourself a break and some compassion. It’s common to lose touch with yourself from time to time, especially in a world that constantly pulls you in different directions. Living authentically isn’t a destination or a fixed state, it’s a practice. It’s something we return to again and again. Noticing that you’re out of alignment is already a powerful first step. You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight or even in a few days, just one honest choice at a time can begin to bring you back to yourself.
If you would like support in identifying your values and finding strategies to live authentically, contact us to learn how our team of counsellors can help.