by Kole Lawrence | Dec 8, 2025 | Communication, Family, holiday, Mental Health, Seasonal, Self Care, Teens, Tips
The holiday time is supposed to be this stretch of (often, freezing cold) time of laughing and warmth and horribly-corny-but-at-the-same-time-wonderfully-campy movies. And for many of us queers, parts of that holiday stretch are the best. But the holidays can also bring a sort of pressure that really isn’t normally talked about—it’s the pressure of going to, or being in, “home” environments that don’t always understand or show up for the you you.
This time of year can be, complicated. There’s often excitement and love mixed in, and also a lot of emotional navigating. For many queer youth, the holidays aren’t just holidays. They can be a kind of performance season where we try and pretend the only ugly part is our sweaters (which are actually just cute btw).
The unseen stuff queer & trans youth carry into December
Everyone’s experience is different. But some of our experiences are actually common. Here’s what we hear:
- Feeling watched. Not necessarily in a negative way. But even good intentions and genuine curiosity can feel like a lot when it’s nonstop. “What name should I call you?” can be fine, but who wants to answer it over and over and over, let alone to the same few people.
- Being asked questions you didn’t prepare for. “Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend?” “What pronouns, champ?” “What is the whole gender thing anyway?” Hey, I like talking about myself as much as the next person, but dare we chill? Since when are deeply personal and complex sexuality and gender identity transformations small talk? Sometimes it’s okay to just want to talk about Taylor Swift’s new album or Kris Jenner’s plastic surgery.
- Dealing with traditions that don’t fit anymore. Traditions can be such a mixed bag. Lots of us have really wonderful memories of traditions we did with our families, but often times traditions weren’t designed with queer and trans identities in mind. What’s important to remember though is if it doesn’t feel like we can be authentic in them, it’s okay to accept them as memories instead of rules.
Some quick tips if the holidays feel like… a lot
Here are just a few things that can help when the holiday energy starts feeling heavy. No “magic” here, just actual and doable things that may work for you:
- Use the bathroom as a breather. Okay, it sounds wild, but taking a few-minute break to breathe, text a friend, just chill out, can totally help just rest your nervous system which can make the next hour feel lighter.
- Have a couple of “neutral response” lines ready. Things like “I’m not getting into that today,” or “It’s a long story, but I’m okay,” can shut down uncomfortable questions without creating more chaos.
- Keep a comforting object in your pocket. Are Tamagotchis still a thing? Think about keeping something in your pocket that that you can fidget with if you want to or something that will just maybe help make you feel more grounded generally.
- Decide ahead of time what topics are off-limits for you. If someone wanders into something you’ve already decided is just not your preference to get into, remember to just not get into it if you can.
- Let yourself keep some things private. It’s not your job to educate everyone! You don’t have to justify language or identity. Privacy isn’t necessarily avoidance—things are allowed to feel and be personal.
The reality is that a lot of queer and trans youth head into December carrying stuff that isn’t always obvious. And sure, this time of year can be stressful or awkward or just… a lot. But it can also make space for embodying the version of yourself that feels honest that day. Remember: you are allowed to protect your peace. Keep honouring yourself, no less this month than any other month. You are okay. <3
Resources
LGBT National Help Centre
Free, confidential peer-support for 2SLGBTQ+ folks. Multiple lines including Youth, Seniors, and Coming Out support (not 24/7).
Website: https://lgbthotline.org
988 Suicide Crisis Helpline
Call or text for immediate support (not queer- or trans-specific).
Dial 988
Trans Lifeline
Peer-run support line for trans and nonbinary people (call only).
Phone: 877-330-6366
Website: https://translifeline.org
by Kole Lawrence | Nov 10, 2025 | ADHD, Assessments, Counselling, Executive Function, Mental Health, Mental Health Disorder
Could ADHD Be Part of Your Story?
Have you ever wondered whether ADHD might be affecting your life, even though you were never diagnosed as a child? If so, you’re not alone. I’m Kole, a clinical psychology doctoral student completing my practicum at Alongside You, and I want to share why adult ADHD assessments and therapy might be worth considering, especially if you’ve always had this feeling like you were working harder than others just to keep pace with everyone else.
ADHD Often Gets Missed in Childhood
For a long time, ADHD was seen as something that affected “hyperactive little boys.” Teachers and parents looked for kids who were constantly in motion or couldn’t stop talking. But that’s only one ‘presentation’ of ADHD—there are many, many more. Many kids, like those with inattentive symptoms, experience things like daydreaming, losing track of assignments, or constantly leaving their hoodie in their locker at school (not just me?) These children often flew under the radar because they weren’t viewed as disruptive and their challenges were maybe not quite as obvious as others to those around them.
ADHD Often Gets Missed in Girls
There’s a gender factor, too. Girls and quieter children are more likely to mask their struggles, working hard to appear organized and capable (Holden & Kobayashi-Wood, 2025). Because inattentive symptoms are more common in girls, they’re often identified later—around age 12 instead of age 7 for boys (Young et al., 2020). Many women only recognize their ADHD as adults, sometimes after years of being labeled “anxious,” “disorganized,” or “too sensitive” (Kok et al., 2020). Understanding that ADHD can look different in women and inattentive types helps explain why so many people are discovering it later in life.
Discovering ADHD as an Adult
ADHD is a lifelong neurodevelopmental condition that continues into adulthood (Adamis et al., 2022). For many adults, symptoms shift from visible hyperactivity to inner restlessness, distraction, and difficulty managing time or focus (APA, 2022). You might appear successful on the outside but feel scattered or overwhelmed behind the scenes. Life transitions (think new jobs, becoming a parent, or relocating) can often unmask symptoms that were once manageable. Recognizing ADHD in adulthood can bring really huge relief for folks.
What an Adult ADHD Assessment Looks Like
If you’re curious about an assessment, Alongside You offers comprehensive Adult ADHD Assessments conducted by our doctoral students and registered psychologists. These include questionnaires, an in-depth interview about your life history (including childhood signs), and tests that assess attention and executive functioning. We may also seek input from someone close to you and screen for conditions like anxiety, depression, or sleep issues that can mimic ADHD. Whether or not the results confirm ADHD, you’ll leave with clarity and personalized recommendations for support.
Help Is Here
It’s never too late to understand your brain and find strategies that work. Alongside You provides both assessment and therapy for adults with ADHD-related challenges. Getting answers can be a really huge thing for people. And hopefully a step toward more confidence and self-compassion in what life throws at us.
If this resonates with you, reach out to our team at Alongside You in Ladner. We’re here to walk alongside you on your journey toward understanding and thriving with ADHD.
References
American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR). American Psychiatric Publishing.
Adamis, D., Flynn, C., Wrigley, M., Gavin, B., & McNicholas, F. (2022). ADHD in Adults: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis of Prevalence Studies in Outpatient Psychiatric Clinics. Journal of Attention Disorders, 26(12), 1523–1534. https://doi.org/10.1177/10870547221085503
Holden, E., & Kobayashi-Wood, H. (2025). Adverse experiences of women with undiagnosed ADHD and the invaluable role of diagnosis. Scientific Reports, 15, 20945. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41598-025-04782-y
Kok, F. M., Groen, Y., Fuermaier, A. B. M., & Tucha, O. (2020). The female side of pharmacotherapy for ADHD: A systematic literature review. PLOS ONE, 15(9), e0239257. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0239257
Young, S., Adamo, N., Ásgeirsdóttir, B. B., et al. (2020). Females with ADHD: An expert consensus statement taking a lifespan approach providing guidance for identification and treatment. BMC Psychiatry, 20, 404. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-020-02707-9
