Do you find yourself constantly worrying about every possible scenario that could go wrong? You’re not alone. Constant worrying, overthinking, and feeling out of control can take a big toll on your mental health and well-being. This makes it incredibly difficult to focus on daily tasks or enjoy life to its fullest. But there is a solution: Coping Ahead is an effective technique from Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) that helps you prepare for stress and manage emotions ahead of time.
Eventualities
When I was 19 years old I learned to pilot gliders (airplanes without engines, also called sailplanes). Before each flight, we would always go through our pre-flight checks, even if the aircraft had just landed from a previous flight. We would make sure all of the controls worked as expected, the instruments were reading correctly, and of other important things worth double-checking when you’re propelling yourself two thousand feet into the sky!
The very last step of every pre-flight check was to review “eventualities.”
Though it’s been many years now since I last flew, I still remember vividly what I would say out loud to myself at this step, time and time again:
“If a wing drops on the launch and I cannot recover, I will release the launch cable and land ahead. At a safe height and speed I will start to climb. In the event of a launch failure, I will release the cable and lower the nose to a recovery attitude, and gain sufficient speed before maneuvering. I will land ahead if possible. Otherwise, I will turn downwind, which today is [left or right] and complete an abbreviated circuit or find a safe landing solution. The wind today is ___ knots which means my minimum approach speed is ___ knots.”
Coping Ahead saves time and effort.
The reason for talking through these eventualities in so much detail on the ground is that you’ve already made all of your decisions in the event of an emergency. In an unlikely situation where the pressure is on and seconds count, you don’t need to waste precious time or mental effort deciding what to do. You’ve already thought it through, and simply must follow your plan.
And this skill isn’t just for pilots! In DBT, coping ahead is an emotion regulation skill that can help you rehearse strategies ahead of time to better handle stressful situations or uncomfortable emotions. By visualizing and planning out how you will cope with challenging situations in advance, you start to feel more confident in your ability to face them, boosting your self-esteem and reducing stress.
What’s the difference between Coping Ahead and overthinking?
Overthinking is a common response to stress that can be counterproductive. It is also a common feature of anxiety that involves dwelling on worst-case scenarios, often leading to a cycle of negative thoughts and emotions. It can be triggered by a wide range of every-day stressors or perceived threats.
On the other hand, rather than going in circles about problems, Coping Ahead involves thinking about solutions. It is a deliberate and proactive skill, rather than a reactive response that actually impairs your problem-solving abilities.
How do I learn to Cope Ahead?
If you want to learn how to Cope Ahead, there are some practical tips you can try.
Identify potential stressors in your life, such as upcoming deadlines or social events.
Plan coping strategies that work for you, such as deep breathing, positive self-talk, or seeking support from friends.
Rehearse your coping strategies in your mind, visualizing yourself using them and picturing how they will help.
Lastly, remember to take some time to relax and ground yourself. Well done!
If you are struggling with…
Overthinking
Low self-confidence
Anxiety
A sense of low control in your life
Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
Other conditions that cause intense emotional reactions to common life stressors
…then consider seeking support from a mental health professional. Coping Ahead is a skill that can be learned and practiced, and therapy can provide a safe and supportive environment for developing this skill. Contact our clinic to learn more about how we can help.
My name is Nik, and it’s a pleasure to be joining the team at Alongside You for my counselling internship! I will write a little about myself here. In short: I am a highly motivated counselling psychology student and science graduate with hands-on experience supporting people with autism, ADHD, anxiety, and other needs. I am committed to inclusion, mental well-being, and care of the highest possible standard. Please do get in touch if you think I or anyone else at Alongside You may be able to assist you!
Life Growing Up
I grew up in a diverse neighbourhood in Port Coquitlam. I was a quirky kid who did not have many close friends, much preferring the library to the soccer field. My bedroom was full of microscopes, telescopes, and amateur electronics. My love of science was matched only by my love of helping others; I came to be known as a calming and compassionate shoulder for others to lean on in times of need.
After graduating from high school, I had an urge for a change of scenery from Greater Vancouver. My British heritage and innate curiosity about the world helped me decide to study Natural Sciences in the United Kingdom at University College London. This interdisciplinary programme explored many different scientific fields, but I ended up focussing on neuroscience. I was fascinated by how little we knew about the human brain and the magic of consciousness. The brain is still very much “uncharted territory” with many new and intriguing discoveries made each year. However, as I progressed through my integrated master’s degree, I realized that these discoveries come at the cost of long and tedious hours in dark and lonely laboratories. Many of my peers who were a few years ahead in their careers found the work unfulfilling. It is valuable work, and I have much respect for those who do it. Still, towards my fourth year of university I realized I found greater meaning in working directly with real people. I started taking psychology electives and shifted from learning about the physical brain to understanding the mind and the soul.
After completing my M.Sci., degree and researching the presence and impact of autistic personality traits in the general population, I spent several years working in the non-profit social services sector. I primarily supported adults with autism, developmental disabilities, bipolar disorder, depression, and other concerns in various residential and community settings. In 2017, missing my family and the beautiful scenery in British Columbia (and also put off by the rapidly rising financial cost of living in London), I moved back to Vancouver. I started working for Family Services of Greater Vancouver to help children and adolescents with autism, ADHD, and anxiety build life skills and independence.
Finally, in September 2019 I started my M.A. in counselling psychology at Adler University. Now entering my second year of graduate studies, I can say I feel absolutely confident that this is the right path for me. My sincere gratitude to those who join me on this journey!
How I Approach Counselling
My approach to counselling is still very much in development, but right now I find myself oriented towards narrative therapy. This approach helps us unpack the story of our lives, read between the lines to gain new insights, consider alternative interpretations, and regain our sense of authorship to write the next chapter as we wish it to be.
That said, I do not draw exclusively on narrative techniques: the right style of counselling is whatever works best for the client! I also incorporate humanistic, person-centered values, meaning I have absolute respect for your choices, autonomy, and independence. It is not my job to make decisions for you or lead you in any particular direction. We will collaboratively explore options together, but you have the final say in any work we do.
Finally, it is important to me that my work includes well-researched, tried-and-true methods for effective and long-lasting change. Therefore, I aim to offer evidence-based exercises from practices such as cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT), motivational interviewing (a style of discussion which helps you prepare for change), and dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT). I also aim to resource my clients (only if they wish) with proven strategies for building resiliency such as mindfulness, grounding techniques, and self-reflection skills.
My interest in research
As an aspiring scholar-practitioner, I believe it is essential to always work towards better understandings of the human mind. I think that this work should be substantiated by reliable data and evidence (although there is undoubtedly a place for intuition too). I am actively engaged in psychology research, keeping up to date on the latest peer-reviewed discoveries worldwide. I regularly collaborate with experienced clinicians and scientists on my own projects.
My current research interests include:
The impact of exercise on cognitive abilities
Relationship between personality traits and mental well-being
Improving the counselling experience for people in alternative relationship structures
Psychosocial development outcomes of using digital technology (e.g. apps, video games, robotics) versus physical toys and in-person interaction for children with autism in educational settings
Mechanisms underlying the transmission of intergenerational trauma
How social media and concerns (or ambivalence) about mass surveillance impact mental health, particularly in young people
Let me emphasize that my counselling clients are not research participants nor the subjects of experiments. I provide the above information just to give a better sense of who I am and what I engage in.
How I practice self-care through hobbies and interests
My energy, my fire, most certainly comes from music. I enjoy listening to most genres and have played various instruments since I was five years old (primarily guitar nowadays, and saxophone on occasion). I’ve found song-writing and composition to be personally therapeutic.
Travel is a large part of my life, and I also enjoy photography, which fortunately go quite well together! I prefer a more adventurous travel style, intentionally making myself uncomfortable to see what I discover about the world and about myself. In August 2017 I completed a challenging but incredibly rewarding 800km bicycle trek from London to Glasgow in five days. In April 2019 I participated in a charity event called The Rickshaw Run, driving 3,000km across India in a motorized tuk-tuk (essentially a 7-horsepower glorified lawnmower) while raising over $3,000 for cancer research. This past summer, my plans to backpack around eastern Europe were thwarted by the covid-19 pandemic. Instead, I took the opportunity to go on a 9,000km socially-distanced camping road trip to the Arctic Circle and back. I am incredibly grateful to have experienced how vast and beautiful this part of the world is! (Gratitude, I believe, is an important and too often neglected value nowadays)
I am also a big fan of fitness — or at least the idea of it! There are certainly many days when it’s challenging to muster the energy or find the time to exercise. Nonetheless, I’ve come to appreciate how vital physical activity is and that a healthy body yields a healthy mind.
Another significant hobby of mine is aviation. When I lived in the UK I learned to fly glider planes with long wings and no engines. We would launch ourselves into the sky and hunt like the birds for warm air currents to provide lift. It was a continuous fight against gravity, but there was something simply magical about the experience of quietly soaring among the clouds. I’ve not had an opportunity to fly since moving back to Canada, but I hope to resume gliding someday.
That’s all I have to say about that
My commendations if you’ve read this far! When I started writing this introduction, I did not think I would have so much to say about myself! Yet, in some ways, this has barely scratched the surface of who I am; we are all incredibly complex beings with indescribable depth. I know I still have plenty of self-discovery and personal development to do. But I hope this gives you some sense of myself, and if we do end up working together, I look forward to learning more about who you are and who you are becoming. I’d love to be a part of your journey.
I never expected to end up working as a counsellor. For a while, I thought I’d be a teacher, then I thought I’d be a journalist. I’ve worked as a custodian, a camp counsellor, in cramped offices and construction sites. None of these jobs promoted the idea of self-care.
The point is, my life has taken quite a few twists and turns, and it’s been very difficult at a lot of times to find a direction and a sense of purpose to what I was doing. And one major thing I’ve learned through that experience is just how important it is to take care of yourself.
When I was studying in journalism school, I very quickly realized being a reporter wasn’t the career for me. But instead of changing gears, I got mad at myself for not being good enough as a journalist and pushed myself towards a job I had no interest in doing. I was very hard on myself back then, and I blamed myself and my own inadequacies and I figured the only way to move was forward, even though I didn’t like the direction I was going.
I felt like I was trapped in this path I had chosen for myself. It was terrible. I pushed and pushed myself until I completely burned out at the end of my first year.
I took my whole body—mentally, physically, and emotionally—to the breaking point because I didn’t know how to take care of myself; I only knew how to continue doing things and never tell anyone how I really felt.
My Need For Self-Care
It turns out, I suffered from depression, anxiety, and a few other mental health issues that made it all the more difficult for me to take care of and go easier on myself. From a very early age, I felt lonely and sad a lot of the time. Even when I was spending time with friends or family, I would still feel a sense of sadness at not fitting in and not being accepted.
One of the ways I coped with experiencing all these negative feelings all the time was to hold myself to an impossible standard, criticize myself all the time, and blame myself for anything that went wrong in my life. I got used to the idea of being miserable and alone enough that I assumed I’d still feel that way no matter what career path I took, which is why I stayed in school and in jobs I didn’t like for so long.
But over time, my depression, anxiety, and negative self-talk became too much and I couldn’t function at work, home, or in social situations. Faced with inescapable feelings of sadness, loneliness, and self-loathing, I could barely get myself up in the morning and do daily tasks, let alone take care of myself.
It was only after I started going to counselling myself that I learned how hard on myself I was being and that it was actually OK to look after myself, take care of my body, and pursue my own interests instead of forcing myself into a career I didn’t fit into.
Counselling Can Help You Take Care Of Yourself
Counselling was so incredibly helpful for me as I began to better understand myself and make positive changes in my own life. I learned that I had a passion for the entire idea of counselling; of someone who is willing to join you when you’re at your lowest and help you find your own path towards understanding yourself, accepting yourself, and thriving as your best self.
I love being a counselling intern, even though it’s the last place I figured my life would take me. I’m excited to be learning these valuable skills as a counselling intern in an effort to help others. Having experienced mental health struggles myself, I know the value and life-changing power of therapy. It’s so important that we all learn to better understand our own mental health needs so we can take care of ourselves and each other.
When Will You Start Your Journey With Self-Care?
If you’re resonating with anything I’m saying in this article, I’d love to sit down with you. I’d love to be a part of helping you see that you’re not alone in your struggles, and that it’s okay to not be okay. We’ve all be there, and it doesn’t have to stay this way. Contact the office if you’d like to sit down together, I’d be happy to meet with you!
Today is a great day. To say that we are excited about The Step Forward Program would be an understatement. Since our inception, our goal has been to make integrated health care services accessible to as many people as possible. The Step Forward Program is another way we’re trying to make this a reality. We’ve always believed that our community is the backbone of support systems for us all, and South Delta is such a supportive, close knit community we have no doubt this program will be a success, so we thank you in advance for your involvement. Now, you probably are still wondering what this program is all about so let us share that with you!
What is the Step Forward Program?
The Step Forward Program at Alongside You offers financial assistance to clients who may need some additional help subsidizing our services. Alongside You operates using a sliding scale for fees in an effort to keep our services accessible to as many people as possible. Our hope is that this program will enable even more people to be able to receive care.
In addition to receiving donations, Alongside You will be holding events to benefit this program starting in January 2016. Individual community members, local businesses, organizations, and Alongside You clients are given the opportunity to donate to this program to help provide access to our services for those who may not otherwise be able to afford it. All funds are held in a separate account, audited by our accounting firm and will be dispensed based on need at the discretion of our Directors.
This is an initiative for South Delta because we are fortunate to live and work in the community we do, and because we believe this program can make a difference in many lives. Donations can be made through our online store via credit card, or in person at our clinic using cash, cheque, or credit card payment.
100% of donations will go straight to the Step Forward Program. Alongside You will absorb all banking and/or credit card processing fees incurred in the administration of this program.
Please note: We are not a non-profit agency and unfortunately, are unable to provide tax receipts for donations.
How Can South Delta Help?
By now we hope you’re excited about this new program! You may be wondering, “How can I help?” We’re glad you asked! Here’s a few ideas of how you can help, and if you have other ideas, we’d love to hear them! You can help by:
Donating through our online store, or in person at our clinic
Come to our events that benefit the Step Forward Program
Hold an event and take donations to benefit the program
Corporate sponsorship opportunities (details to come, let us know if you’re interested!)
Spread the word about who we are, and what we’re trying to do. Word of mouth in South Delta is key
If you have any questions or concerns about this program, or if you would like to get involved, please contact the Directors, Andrew and Meg Neufeld at 604-283-7827.
Start helping the Step Forward Program today!
Only a few spots remain, but we’d love to have you at our Friday Night Knitting Club Event tomorrow night! All donations received go straight to the Foot Forward Program!
Taking care of your loved one can be a rewarding experience, but the demands of caregiving can also be overwhelming. If the stress of caregiving is left unchecked, it can take a toll on your own health, relationships, and state of mind — eventually leading to caregiver burnout. Some signs that you may be getting close to burnout include:
You find yourself withdrawing from your friends and family.
You lose interest in activities you used to enjoy.
You feel blue, irritable, or hopeless.
You notice you’re losing or gaining weight.
Your sleep patterns are changing.
You get sick more often.
When you’re burned out, it’s difficult to do anything, let alone look after someone else’s needs. Here are some tips on how to take care of yourself in the midst of taking care of another.
1. Take time for yourself
Taking time for yourself every day — even just a few minutes — is one way to help you recharge. Some examples to try: do some gentle stretching or yoga before breakfast, go for a 20-minute walk or nap, see a movie with a friend, or pursue any hobby you love. Taking time for yourself will help reduce your stress, recharge your batteries, and ultimately make you a better caregiver.
2. Know your limits
You cannot provide good care if you are exhausted and stressed out. Learn when to say no to others (and to yourself!) Practice limit setting on small things. It’s OK to say no to contributing to the school bake sale or dog-sitting for your neighbour. Listen to your body and pay attention to the physical messages it sends you (e.g. difficulty sleeping, weakened immune system, changes in appetite, etc.)
3. Develop your own support network and don’t be afraid to ask for help
Find someone you can trust – whether it’s a friend, co-worker or neighbor – and talk to them about your feelings and frustrations. Make a list of people you can call when you need a break or help with day-to-day needs. Joining a caregiver support group can help you manage stress, locate helpful resources and stay connected with others. Look into different resources that are covered by MSP or your own extended health care. There are a variety of resources and organizations in place to support caregivers that may include:
Private care aides
Home Health services (Fraser Health)
Adult day care
Respite care
Support groups
Remember, taking care of yourself is not a luxury, it’s a necessity! Avoiding caregiver burnout depends on it!
Some Local Resources:
Delta Caregivers’ Education and Support Network
The Centre for Supportive Care 4631 Clarence Taylor Cres., Ladner, BC V4K 4L8 Contact: 604-948-0660 or info@deltahospice.org
If you’re experiencing any of the above symptoms, or just need a helping hand, we’d love to talk to you. Kristin Beare, our Occupational Therapist and the author of this post is available to meet with you to assess the situation and help you find ways to manage your stress and continue your caring!
Give Kristin a call at 604-283-7827 or send her a message using our contact form!
