by Fiona Scott | Dec 15, 2025 | Communication, Family, holiday, Mental Health, Parenting, Seasonal, Self Care, Teens, Tips
Let’s face it: for every Hallmark movie and overly-sentimental advert on our tv showing happy families enjoying together time in peace and harmony – there’s a very stressed-out parent, grandparent or family member trying to figure out a way for a group of people with their own issues, needs, wants and opinions to all be in the same place, at the same time, without World War III erupting …
If you add in a 2SLGBTQIA+ family member into the mix, there are many opportunities for accidental (or deliberate) offense to be given, feelings to be hurt, and opinions to be shared (whether everyone wants to hear them or not). So, if you have a 2SLGBTQIA+ teen or young adult in your family, how can you make sure to be the support they need at this time of year?
Firstly, I think it’s important to recognize that, with the current state of the world as it is, being a young 2SLGBTQIA+ individual is an extremely vulnerable place to be. And so our kiddos need adults in their life who are willing to ensure that they are protected, supported and encouraged. That is one of the reasons that the Step Forward Society has financially enabled Alongside You to start a mental health support group for 2SLGBTQIA+ youth, so that there are even more adults in these young peoples’ lives who are there to be part of their ‘team’.
In order to be the best ally you can for a young 2SLGBTQIA+ person, here are some hints, tips and suggestions. These are by no means the only things we can do – but it’s a start to the conversation.
Understand uniqueness
Please remember that every situation is different, every person is different, and every person on earth has their own set of needs to be met in order to thrive. So that’s the first tip – don’t assume! ASK. Here’s just a couple of examples: ask family members you haven’t seen for a while or don’t know well what pronouns they prefer – this normalizes the expectation that peoples’ pronouns will be respected, and makes it more likely that others in the family will follow suit. If you are organizing a family outing, ask if anyone will need access to universal/non-gendered bathroom. If you’re not sure, ask!
Help is only helpful if it’s helping!
Ask what YOUR 2SLGBTQIA+ young person would like help with – are they willing to stand up to homophobic Uncle Zebediah* when he goes on a rant or do they need you to intervene? Do they want you to engage in a stand-up fight for their rights, or would that make them want to melt into the carpet, and they’d rather just be rescued and avoid that particular discussion for another year? In our desire to be our kiddos’ dragon-slayer, and show our pride for them, it can be easy to lose track of the fact that what we’d like to do may be less important right now than what they need us to do.
‘My House, My Rules’
If you have family members who cannot be relied upon to ‘play nice in the sandbox’ around your 2SLGBTQIA+ young person, you can absolutely set the tone if you are hosting. Some families have rules around ‘no politics’, or ‘no religion’ at family gatherings – and if your kiddo is not in a good place to be questioned (or doesn’t feel like educating others, which is absolutely their right) then it is your right to set that expectation with guests in your home.
In order to save everyone embarrassment, and stop feelings running high, I would suggest that you gently and kindly bring this up prior to any large family gathering, so that the expectation is set. You could even have some allies in your family who are willing to spot any potential tinder-points and rush in to ‘deal’ with Uncle Zebediah (eg get him talking about his antique shoe polish collection).
The Great Escape
No, not the 1963 Steve McQueen movie (although that is a good flick!). I’m talking about giving the young 2SLGBTQIA+ person you are supporting options – this could look like asking them to help with younger family members (so that they’re simply not free to engage in a conversation with Uncle Zebediah). Obviously, if they enjoy kids, that’s great – but whatever plan you come up with (together with them, of course) – should be something that they enjoy, too.
Maybe this looks like a family hike, or trip to a Christmas village or lights installation, so that people are walking around, splitting into groups, having something else to focus on (and there is an opportunity for them to ‘disappear’ and gather themselves for a few minutes if they’re getting overwhelmed). Or a trip to the theatre or movies so that opportunities for conversation are naturally limited.
This could also look like making sure that your kiddo has opportunities to get out of the house and visit with their friends over the holiday, so that they have a pressure valve built in to their break. Same goes for you! Try to make sure you get opportunities to have a break, so that you can fully appreciate the holidays.
Comfort and Joy
Comfort clothing, comfort foods, comfort shows … there are many ways in which we use comfort items to help us regulate our emotions. You may have an expectation that the whole family dress up in matching Christmas PJs for photos and be frustrated if your kid doesn’t want to comply. But perhaps they’re experiencing body dysphoria and this make them feel worse about themselves, but their vintage Metallica hoody makes them feel OK.
Or perhaps you want everyone to watch ‘A Christmas Story’ and it’s frustrating that someone in your family wants to watch Brooklyn 99, or the Gilmore Girls, or a Studio Ghibli movie, again. Slaving for hours over the perfect holiday meal, only to have your kiddo rummage in the pantry for ramen noodles? I bet that raises some hackles!
My point is that we seek comfort because it helps us to cope with our emotions and, in higher stress times, the tendency is to look for the things we know well, so there are no surprises, and nothing new for our brains and nervous systems to have to adapt to. So, if you’re noticing these comfort-seeking behaviours in your 2SLGBTQIA+ child, it’s a sure sign that they’re feeling stress in some way. At this point, it’s worth asking yourself what your intention for the holiday is – do you want it all to ‘look’ the way you imagined in your mind, regardless of whether everyone is happy or not? Or do you want to make people feel at ease, encourage each member of the family to join in by meeting their needs – and in the process, have a chance to experience real joy.
Summary
There are as many options to support your young 2SLGBTQIA+ loved ones as there are colours in the Pride rainbow! But the take-away is that validating our kiddos’ feelings, paying attention to their needs and asking what truly would help them the most are all good ways to make sure that everyone has a peaceful, happy and fulfilling holiday.
All of us at Alongside You and Step Forward Society wish you a very happy, healthy and peaceful holiday season, whatever and however you celebrate.
*our apologies to anyone actually named Zebediah! No offense intended.
by Andrew Neufeld | Dec 15, 2025 | Grief, holiday, hope, Mental Health, Seasonal
It’s been a while since I wrote for our blog, and as usual, it’s motivated by what I’m noticing in my own experience leading up to the holidays. The title of the blog is a bit tongue-in-cheek – anyone who knows my reading habits well knows that I love C.S. Lewis, who has a particularly brilliant book called Surprised By Joy. Surprised By Grief, however, is my attempt at humanizing the holidays, with a nod to my own discoveries of grief this year.
There are many definitions of grief, and certainly, many definitions amongst professionals. We were fortunate to have a grief expert, Dena Moitoso, do a lunch-and-learn with our team this year and it was very helpful (and yes, she is in fact, the mother of our very own Marcia Moitoso!). She highlighted so many important things about grief, but one of the most important in my mind, is that the experience of grief by an individual is heavily influenced by how their grief comes to be, and how it’s treated by those around them. I have to admit that through the course of my life I haven’t really given my own grief a lot of attention, understanding, or even acknowledgement. Perhaps it’s that German-Ukrainian Mennonite upbringing again, perhaps it’s my personality, or likely all of the above that has lead to this. Perhaps it’s neurodivergence – I know my ADHD certainly impacts how I see, and process many things. Whatever the case may be, I’ve been intentional this year to pay attention, mainly because I haven’t really had much of a choice because it’s made itself known in ways that weren’t particularly considerate of my desire to engage.
How It Started
It started with the loss of our dog, Buttercup, this past May. She was 4 days short of her 15th birthday when she passed. Understandably, it was heartbreaking for our kids, and for my wife. My kids can’t remember a time without Buttercup, and Buttercup was a constant companion for Meg, particularly in the early years post-accident. Buttercup could always tell how Meg’s pain was each day without Meg ever having to say anything. What I didn’t expect was how hard it hit me. I wrote a couple of posts on LinkedIn about it here, and here. Don’t get me wrong, I loved our dog, but I’m very much a dog owner who differentiates between dogs and humans. I didn’t think it would hit me as hard as it did, but here we are. What was different this time around was that I let it. I shared openly about it, with people in my life, with clients (as it seemed appropriate to do so), and publicly. I let myself cry, and that does not come easily to me, though I’m getting better at it.
Then, I was confronted with the grief of my own mental health journey. It’s still something I’m unpacking, but between my therapist not letting me off the hook, and me intentionally creating some space in my own life to pay attention, I’m starting to understand just how impactful it’s been on my life. Long story very short, I’ve started to grieve for the kid who discovered what depression was at age 6. I’ve started to grieve the terror he felt for the next 20 years, and all of the things he felt he had to do or not do in dealing with it.
This was amplified recently when we lost a client to suicide at the clinic. It always hits therapists hard when they lose a client, and it’s why we work as a team here, not in isolation. What surprised me about this recent experience was that, while of course I was heartbroken for the family and for our therapist who had worked with them, I immediately connected with my own experience earlier in life where it very well could have been me. That’s when the grief hit like a freight train – for myself, and for the client, and for their family.
Most recently, grief hit while I was experiencing a lot of joy. My wife and I don’t give each other gifts really, we don’t want more stuff – so we give each other time. We do our best to get away for a night together and eat good food, do things we enjoy, all without the myriad of distractions that go on in our daily life. We ended up at the Good Noise gospel choir concert downtown, directed by our dear friend, Warren Dean Flandez. It was phenomenal, and full of so much joy. And the grief hit me big time in the middle of the concert, and surprise would be an understatement. And then it was book-ended by joy.
All this to say, grief is complicated. Joy can also be complicated in that it can co-occur with grief and often does (in my experience). The Christmas story and the holidays bring both front and centre to me, particularly this year, and it happens for so many. We recently collaborated with Heron Hospice Society, Estuary Church, and Ladner United Church to put on an event called Circle of Light for community members who have lost loved ones. It was a chance to acknowledge the dialectic that are the holidays – so much joy, and often, so much grief.
How It’s Going
Christmas is a time I’ve struggled with a lot over the years with my depression – feeling like we’re supposed to be happy, when sometimes we’re just not. Or maybe we are happy, but it’s complicated with sadness, or grief, or both. It struck me this week as I was reflecting on the Christmas story, that the first Christmas was likely full of these things too. If you’ve read the story, Mary and Joseph were travelling many miles, with a pregnant Mary riding a donkey, to comply with the Roman census. When we read that “there’s no room in the Inn,” it doesn’t mean that they couldn’t stay at the Four Seasons and had to settle for the Holiday Inn Express. No, it means they found a cave, full of dirty animals that smelled like something most of can’t even imagine, and gave birth to a baby that in the Christian tradition, was to be the saviour of the world. Not how I would have planned it, and I’m pretty sure there were some complicated emotions.
What often amplifies this for me (and this is my belief, not something I am trying to push on anyone else), is that according to the Bible, Jesus would grow up and become a sacrifice for humanity to restore the relationship between humanity and an all-knowing, all-powerful God. Those last bits are important. What this means is that God knew what would happen to this baby before it was born, and He chose to send Him anyways. The part that gets me, is that He made this choice, knowing who I am and all of my imperfections, and did it anyways. I can’t image the level of grief, and the level of joy He experienced in this part of the story.
I tell you all of this, not because I’m trying to preach in a non-religious blog for a non-religious mental health clinic. I’m telling you this because it’s necessary in order for you to understand my experience and what I’m trying to share with you – because my depression, my anxiety, some of the hard things I’ve experienced in life, some of the things I’ve done to try to deal with these things in unhealthy ways, have often led me to believe that I’m unworthy, that I’m a hopeless case, that I’ll never feel better, and many other things.
This is why this Christmas story is so important in my own journey of grief – it helps me know that I’m loved, that I’m worth it, and that there’s hope, and it can get better.
Hope For The Future
What I’m hoping for in sharing this with you, is that you’ll hear me saying, “However you’re feeling going into the holidays is ok.” If you’re grieving, I’m with you. If you’re experiencing joy, I’m with you. If you’re wondering how you’re going to survive the holiday mayhem, I’ve been there and I’m with you. If you’re looking forward to it, I’m with you.
Feelings are complicated. We don’t get to choose them, we just have them. If you’re human, you’ve experienced things that lead to grief and it’s ok to feel that too. The good news is that we’re capable of holding seemingly opposite feelings at the same time. We can experience joy, sadness, hope, and grief together. That’s not you being a mess, or a screwup, or “too much,” that’s you being human with the rest of us. You just don’t usually see it on a Christmas card.
If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate the effort and I hope it’s been worth it. Since this is my last chance to do so before the end of the year, I want to say thank you for letting us take care of you here at Alongside You. We’re far from perfect, and we’re human just like you, but we do always, and will always do our best to be both human, and helpful in caring for you.
My hope is that whatever traditions you have over these holidays, that you’ll be kind to yourself, that you’ll know that grief doesn’t take a holiday and if it shows up for you that you’re not alone, and that there’s hope. I appreciate every client who trusts us to take care of them, and I’m excited for what 2026 holds for all of us.
Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and Happy New Year to you and all of your loved ones.
by Kole Lawrence | Dec 8, 2025 | Communication, Family, holiday, Mental Health, Seasonal, Self Care, Teens, Tips
The holiday time is supposed to be this stretch of (often, freezing cold) time of laughing and warmth and horribly-corny-but-at-the-same-time-wonderfully-campy movies. And for many of us queers, parts of that holiday stretch are the best. But the holidays can also bring a sort of pressure that really isn’t normally talked about—it’s the pressure of going to, or being in, “home” environments that don’t always understand or show up for the you you.
This time of year can be, complicated. There’s often excitement and love mixed in, and also a lot of emotional navigating. For many queer youth, the holidays aren’t just holidays. They can be a kind of performance season where we try and pretend the only ugly part is our sweaters (which are actually just cute btw).
The unseen stuff queer & trans youth carry into December
Everyone’s experience is different. But some of our experiences are actually common. Here’s what we hear:
- Feeling watched. Not necessarily in a negative way. But even good intentions and genuine curiosity can feel like a lot when it’s nonstop. “What name should I call you?” can be fine, but who wants to answer it over and over and over, let alone to the same few people.
- Being asked questions you didn’t prepare for. “Do you have a boyfriend? Girlfriend?” “What pronouns, champ?” “What is the whole gender thing anyway?” Hey, I like talking about myself as much as the next person, but dare we chill? Since when are deeply personal and complex sexuality and gender identity transformations small talk? Sometimes it’s okay to just want to talk about Taylor Swift’s new album or Kris Jenner’s plastic surgery.
- Dealing with traditions that don’t fit anymore. Traditions can be such a mixed bag. Lots of us have really wonderful memories of traditions we did with our families, but often times traditions weren’t designed with queer and trans identities in mind. What’s important to remember though is if it doesn’t feel like we can be authentic in them, it’s okay to accept them as memories instead of rules.
Some quick tips if the holidays feel like… a lot
Here are just a few things that can help when the holiday energy starts feeling heavy. No “magic” here, just actual and doable things that may work for you:
- Use the bathroom as a breather. Okay, it sounds wild, but taking a few-minute break to breathe, text a friend, just chill out, can totally help just rest your nervous system which can make the next hour feel lighter.
- Have a couple of “neutral response” lines ready. Things like “I’m not getting into that today,” or “It’s a long story, but I’m okay,” can shut down uncomfortable questions without creating more chaos.
- Keep a comforting object in your pocket. Are Tamagotchis still a thing? Think about keeping something in your pocket that that you can fidget with if you want to or something that will just maybe help make you feel more grounded generally.
- Decide ahead of time what topics are off-limits for you. If someone wanders into something you’ve already decided is just not your preference to get into, remember to just not get into it if you can.
- Let yourself keep some things private. It’s not your job to educate everyone! You don’t have to justify language or identity. Privacy isn’t necessarily avoidance—things are allowed to feel and be personal.
The reality is that a lot of queer and trans youth head into December carrying stuff that isn’t always obvious. And sure, this time of year can be stressful or awkward or just… a lot. But it can also make space for embodying the version of yourself that feels honest that day. Remember: you are allowed to protect your peace. Keep honouring yourself, no less this month than any other month. You are okay. <3
Resources
LGBT National Help Centre
Free, confidential peer-support for 2SLGBTQ+ folks. Multiple lines including Youth, Seniors, and Coming Out support (not 24/7).
Website: https://lgbthotline.org
988 Suicide Crisis Helpline
Call or text for immediate support (not queer- or trans-specific).
Dial 988
Trans Lifeline
Peer-run support line for trans and nonbinary people (call only).
Phone: 877-330-6366
Website: https://translifeline.org
by Fiona Scott | Dec 16, 2024 | Anxiety, burnout, Creativity, Guidance, holiday, Mental Health, Positive, Relationships, rest, Seasonal, Self Care, Stress, Tips
Where did all this holiday stress come from?
Diwali and Thanksgiving are over. Hannukah, Christmas and Solstice are rapidly approaching. Eid is still a little way off. But whatever and however you do, or don’t, celebrate, it’s impossible to miss ‘The Holiday Season’. It’s everywhere. It’s on every social media outlet, tv station, radio station … and it’s exhausting.
Don’t get me wrong – I love me some cheesy music, lots of pretty lights and the excitement of an approaching ‘event’. But even though this year we don’t have children to deal with (ours have grown), major family commitments, or a lot of enforced socializing, I still find myself automatically going into that continuous, low-grade panic state. You know, that constant pressure to get it all done, have my home in a state of decoration that I’d never consider necessary during the year, become an instant gourmet cook, be able to source the perfect locally-made and sold goods (affordably) for people I don’t know that well … and on, and on, and on.
This isn’t meant to be a downer. I’m just wondering, in the middle of this apparent marathon which is December, to take a detour from the prescribed racecourse? Here are some suggestions – and please, this is NOT supposed to be a ‘more things to check off the list’ set of tasks. Just a few thoughts about making some meaning at a time that’s meant to be meaningful, but often leads to sadness, stress, mental load and overwhelm.
Make a New Tradition
We all love our traditions, don’t we? Well … do we? I spent years making my family come to pick out and cut down a real Christmas tree – my favourite family tradition – until I realized that everyone except me hated it, and once I knew that, I couldn’t really enjoy it anymore. So, that’s no longer on the list.
So, how about making a new tradition? Or tweaking an old one? Would the big family get-together work better on Christmas Eve, or Boxing Day? Could an annual snowfight become a new tradition in your family? Or a holiday scavenger hunt?
What would it look like to do the usual things, but in a way that didn’t load on hany big expectations? Could making cookies with the family HAVE to be from absolute scratch with hand-piped designs, or could you buy the ready-made dough with the baked-in designs and let the kids do it themselves (with predictable but fun results)?
Play Dysfunctional Family Bingo
How I wish I could take credit for this, but it goes to the author Martha Beck. If you HAVE to attend a family celebration and you’re dreading it (for whatever reason), find one or more fellow attendees who are likely feeling the same as you (whether it’s your partner, a cousin, whatever) and make up a bingo card of all the things you’re worried might happen. Auntie Dolly will have one too many and start singing embarrassing rugby songs. Grandpa will say something insensitive about minorities. Uncle Dave will bring up politics and start an argument. One of the kids will sneak chocolate and get it all over Cousin Sally’s white sofa. You get the drill! That way, when the feared worse DOES happen, then you can sneak a look at your co-conspirators and it will become funny, rather than awful. Trust me, it works!
Have Breakfast for Dinner
At some point during the holidays, have breakfast for dinner – whether it’s a huge fried hot meal, or cold cereal. Pair it with hot chocolate or hot apple cider, and make it a fun occasion. Don’t worry – just for once – about making sure the kids have 3 vegetables, or whether they’ll get crazy on the sugar. Just let everyone choose what will make them happy, and release all expectations for just one night.
You could tweak this to be a hot dog night, or anything else that everyone else will enjoy – the point is to take the pressure off everyone for a day, be a bit silly, and take a moment to relax your expectations.
For Goodness’ Sake, Get Out!
Isn’t it interesting that we have this perception that we should spend 24/7 with our loved ones at this time? If you don’t play ‘happy families’ at other times, then why do you think that you should be able to do that at a time the stress is already high? Find reasons to get out, whether it’s walking the dog, offering to be the one to pop out to the store to get extra stuffing or being the one to drive someone home after they’ve had a few drinks (buying you the solo drive back home).
The point of this is to manufacture little breaks in your time where you can put on some music/podcast, or just listen to the peace and quiet outside, take a few breaths, allow some stillness to creep into your mind and realize that life will go back to normal soon.
Try to Manage Expectations
You may have a very strong opinion on how things should go during the holidays. However, try thinking of things from others’ perspectives – maybe the twins’ parents need to leave early because right now it’s taking 3 hours to get them both to sleep. Maybe Uncle Bert refuses to attend a family dinner because he is scared to drive home at night but doesn’t want anyone to know. We don’t always know why people behave the way that they do, but if we can try to ‘assume best intentions’ – that they have their reasons and it probably doesn’t have anything to do with you – then it’s a lot easier to enjoy whatever energy people bring at this time of year, and return your best to them, also.
Support for Holiday Stress: Navigating the Season with Ease
If you’re finding the holiday season especially overwhelming this year, you’re not alone. The pressure to meet expectations, balance family dynamics, and maintain a sense of peace can take a toll on your mental well-being. Alongside You is here to support you during this challenging time. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, stress, or simply need someone to talk to, our team of compassionate professionals is ready to help. Don’t face the holiday season alone — contact us today to explore how we can help you navigate this time with greater ease and peace of mind.
Whatever your holidays do, or don’t, look like – happy holidays, and I hope you find some peace this year.
by Andrew Neufeld | Dec 15, 2016 | Articles, Counselling
Joy To The World?
I have long had a love, hate relationship with this time of year. You may remember this from my post last year right around this time about how to manage holiday stress. I love that this time of year often brings families together, sometimes travelling long distances to do so. I love that it brings local communities together to celebrate the holidays. What I truly love most is that I make a point of taking time off at this time of year to be with my family, particularly my wife and kids. What is even better is that they also have time off at this point in the year and we can be together. I often work fairly long hours, and between my schedule and my wife’s schedule, and the kids’ activities, it’s a challenge to get time each day to be a family. This is what I look forward to this time of year, with great anticipation. This is what brings me great joy at this time of year – being with my family.
What I haven’t put into words before, however, is my difficulty with taking time off over the holidays. With the type of work that I do, I know full well how many individuals, couples and families struggle this time of year. I also know that tragedy does not wait for holidays to pass because it’s not “a good time.” The past month seems to have had more than its’ fair share of tragedy. I’ve seen this personally, professionally, and in the news in our community. Friends have lost loved ones, family members are dealing with illnesses, clients are struggling. Although the common belief that suicide rates are higher over Christmas is not true, what is true is that for all of the joy of Christmas, there is a lot of pain and suffering to go along with it.
What do we do about the juxtaposition of joy and pain over the holidays? I believe that a lot of it comes down to perspective and what we choose to focus on. Even more, what it comes down to is acceptance. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy has a concept called radical acceptance, which is a very simple, yet very difficult concept to put into practice. What it means is that we have to be willing to accept that thing happen in life that we do not like. It does not mean that we have to agree with these things, like these things, or are even okay with these things being the way they are. What it does mean is that we have to accept that these things are indeed present in our lives, and it is what it is. What other choice to we have? If we fight against it, we will most likely become anxious, depressed, and stressed out.
I’ve been reflecting on what I need to accept this year in order to be able to leave the office for a week of holidays, enjoy Christmas with my family, and most importantly, be present when I am with them. Here are my three things and I hope they may be helpful in some way to you as well.
- Accept that in order to take care of others, I need to take care of myself.
This time of year is difficult for many, and I often feel pulled to remain at the office this time of year. The reality is that with my clinical practice and the growth of Alongside You, there really is no good time to take a break. There will always be things to do, clients to see, and I will always be conflicted about taking time off. The truth of the matter is, we all need a break and I definitely need one at this point in the year. I often use the analogy of the oxygen mask in an airplane with my clients – they tell you to put your mask on first because if you don’t and you pass out, you won’t be able to help others. I need to take some of my own medicine on this one.
- Accept that this time of year will always be a mixture of joy and sorrow, and possibly some stress.
I know that I will experience much joy over the next few weeks as I spend time with my family. I know that as I leave the office tonight and go to my kids’ school Christmas concert I will be filled with pride, overwhelmed by my love for my children, and enjoy every minute of it; in fact, I’m tearing up just as I write this. I know that my kids will look out into the crowd to find me, because it means so much to them that I am there, and am present.
I also know that no matter how carefully we plan, how much we try not to do too much, there will always, always be things that mess up the calm. Part of the amazing thing about Christmas is how many awesome things are going on. I also know that I get overwhelmed by all of these awesome things if I am not careful. I know that I need to take time for myself, keep myself balanced, and yes, practice some of the mindfulness skills that I teach my clients and hound them about.
Finally, I am all too aware that many of my clients, my friends, and my family will be struggling through this season. The pain of the loss of loved ones, lost jobs, ill health, and so many other things does not take a break because of Christmas. I know that they will need comfort, support, and love and while I will do my best to be these things for as many as I can, I have to trust that others in their lives will do the same.
- Accept that I must focus on the joy to endure the sorrow.
Our brains are well trained to focus on the negative, and my brain is no different. It takes very little effort to notice, and remember the negative. It takes much more effort to do the same for the positive. This is not about denial, it is about intentionality. Dialectical Behaviour Therapy describes this as a validation of our situation – that is, being able to find the silver lining in any situation while not denying that the cloud we are surrounded by is indeed black. I am fortunate – this year, I feel very positive about life and the upcoming holidays. This has not always been the case, and I can identify with many who might be wondering how to find the silver lining in a black cloud.
I am challenging myself, and I welcome you to join me in this, to be intentional about looking for the joy this Christmas. We don’t have to deny the pain or sorrow, but we can choose to focus on the positive. The truth is that no matter how black we may feel the cloud is, there is always something positive to be found – the elusive silver lining. If we can’t find joy this season, we may not be looking hard enough.
From all of us at Alongside You, we wish you a wonderful Christmas and rest of the holiday season. We are grateful to be a part of your lives and are privileged to work with you through the joys, and the sorrows. May your lives be filled with joy as we finish 2016 and we look forward to 2017.
