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Helping Parents of Neurodivergent Kids Prepare for School

Helping Parents of Neurodivergent Kids Prepare for School

by | Sep 6, 2024 | ADHD, Anxiety, Autism, Children, Encouragement, Guidance, Mental Health, Teens, Tips | 0 comments

So, it’s that time of year again… time to gather up your mental strength and prepare to dive back into another school year. However, for those of us with kids under the neurodivergent umbrella, it can be an additional challenge, or even a cause for dread.

Will the teacher ‘get’ your kid?

Should you go in giving them a whole lot of information about your kiddo, or will that start things off on the wrong foot?

How long until the IEP gets updated, and will it even be useful?

Is your kiddo going to throw a fit because this is the year the classroom stops using pencil crayons or they’re expected to learn square dancing in PE?

Support Your Neurodivergent Kid by Supporting Youself

Breathe. I mean it, BREATHE. There are lots of things that you can do to prepare for the new school year, and there are a whole lot of things that you can’t prepare for, and that tends to be where the panic sets in. And I get it – I used to take every ‘first day of school’ off work because I was so anxious about my neurodivergent kiddos that there was no chance of getting any useful work done. I want you to know, though, that this is just one moment in a whole lifetime for your kiddo. It may have huge significance for you, but they may not even remember it in 10 years’ time. So, let’s take a deep breath and adjust our perspective.

There are two issues in parenting a school-aged kiddo who is neurodivergent. One is helping the kid deal with all the challenges they encounter, which may be more complicated than for their more neurotypical peers. The second issue is dealing with your own feelings about your child’s challenges. It can be really hard seeing them struggle with friendships, or be down on themselves because they don’t understand the teacher when they’re explaining math. Our parental spidey senses are constantly on alert trying to anticipate, and avoid, potential problems. So, a lot of our energy is going to be on managing ourselves, and being that calm presence that our kids can rely on as a safe place.

There are a whole lot of things that you can do to help your children with the practical, emotional and social aspects of transitioning to a new school year. For example, along with my colleague Ruth Germo, we have a webinar on transitions to high school. There are a host of good resources out there on the internet, too. And these are the things that parents can keep themselves very busy with at this time of year.

However, this year, I’m going to challenge you (because you definitely don’t have enough on your plates already!) to take a moment a couple of times a day to:

  • Stop
  • Breathe
  • Check in with yourself
  • Feel your feelings
  • Acknowledge the tough emotions
  • Give yourself a little love and grace
  • Recognize that ‘this too shall pass’
  • Refocus on the long-term goals/plans
  • One more nice deep breath, and …
  • Back to it, big smile (you know the one)

Neurodivergent Kids Need Us.

In my humble opinion, one of the most underrated predictors of childhood success in schools is parents. Not because we read to them every night, or make them do their homework, drive them to endless stuff or advocate for them (although that’s all extremely important, too). It’s because we’re the safe space they come home to, and launch from. We’re there to commiserate and comfort them on the tough stuff, celebrate with them on the wins, you know, the ones that nobody else will ‘get’, remember their preferences and needs so that they always have the ‘right’ socks or remember to charge their headphones.

We’re their foundation. And if we don’t give ourselves the bare minimum of consideration and care, we won’t be as able to be that safe space for them. I know, truly, I know, they come first. All I’m asking is that you don’t always put yourself last.

If you find that you’re struggling with this, or any aspect of parenting your special needs children, consider reaching out for help. There are people who have lived experience and education who can understand and who won’t judge you for the fact that your kid has eaten white bread with marshmallow spread every day for the last 6 years because that’s all they’ll eat. We’ve been where you are. And we not only survived it, we can let you know that it is all worth it.

How Do I Help My Child With Back-to-School Anxiety?

How Do I Help My Child With Back-to-School Anxiety?

by | Sep 7, 2023 | Anxiety, Children, Parenting, Tips

Some School Anxiety is Normal!

First things first, it is normal and expected for children to have some worries with regards to going back to school! School anxiety may include worries like:

  • Who will be my new teacher?
  • Will my friends be in my class this year?
  • How will I do in math/language/etc. this year?
  • Will this year be harder than last year?

These are social and academic concerns that all children can experience from time to time. In these cases, it is important for parents to recognize these concerns and talk openly with their child about them. At the same time, it is critical that parents listen and empathize, never dismissing or minimizing the child’s feelings. Children need to be heard, like all people.

Parents’ Reactions to School Anxiety:

On the other hand, if parents react with anxiety to their child’s worries, the child will pick up on this and it will only heighten their worries. The calmer a parent can be, the more likely they will be able to really listen to their child and offer support, rather than react based on their own worries. As a parent, I know it can be incredibly tempting to jump in and fix it, to make it all better for our children. When we do this however, we are not really helping our children. We are not allowing them to learn and grow from these experiences. Ultimately, our goal as parents should be to help foster resilience in our children, rather than to promote dependency. Life will always present us with challenges and struggles, among other things. As parents, we play an important role in helping our children build resilience during times of hardship, walking alongside them and supporting them.

One of the questions I am often asked by parents with regards to back-to-school anxiety is, “How do I know if it’s normal worrying or anxiety?” There are signs for which parents can be on the lookout including:

  • school refusal
  • stomach aches/headaches/nausea
  • shutting down in school and/or refusing to participate
  • changes in sleep and/or nightmares
  • changes in appetite
  • heightened sensitivity
  • low frustration tolerance with behaviours like anger outbursts or crying.

How to Help Your Child

When parents see these signs in their child, it is important for them to step in and help their child. The key steps to helping our kid in these situations are:

  1. Acknowledge what the child is experiencing.
  2. Let them (if they are old enough) describe what they are feeling.
  3. Most importantly parents: listen to, and acknowledge what your child says, so that they feel seen, and heard.

Once you understand what your child is feeling and experiencing, the next step can be a conversation with your child about coping strategies. My experience has shown me that children often come up with the best strategies for themselves!

There are times, however, in which parents see that their child is overwhelmed and really struggling and they themselves feel they do not know how to handle the situation. At times like this, professional assistance may be warranted and helpful. I know I’ve been there, and I’d love to be there for you too!

Click here to contact us to get support for your child.